Tag: Keanu Reeves

John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum? Oh fuck that. That title is awful. Is this a book? For a movie, your subtitle should be the words, or Chapter 3, but not both. And yes, it is different if the word chapter wasn’t there. But this title uses a colon and a dash? Who has got time for this?

This movie is now called John Wick 3, as everyone will end up calling it anyways.

Recap! John Wick was amazing! John Wick 2 expanded the universe and was weird and had extremely long fights in some tunnel. I don’t remember a lot about that movie, besides so much universe building, but it ended with Mr. Wick going on the run with everyone going to come after him with no help. I don’t remember how many dogs were involved.

Two times the dogs, two times the revenge…?John Wick (Keanu Reeves) is in New York City. Is that where the last one ended? I guess, it must have. Okay.

He has an hour to deal with his shit before he is excommunicated and can no longer use any of the services this band of guns for hire offer. Medical, dental, vision, banks, safe spots, gun places. Nothing. And a $14 million price tag on his head means every miscreant will risk it all to take him down.

Even his old friends (Ian McShane, Lance Reddick, Laurence Fishburne) cannot really assist him. Sucks to suck.

Instead he has to call in old favors, that are super serious and above the excommunication. He wants to get to the top of the organization and reason with them so he can just live out his life and be normal. And along the way hundreds must die.

Also starring Halle Berry, Mark Dacascos, Asia Kate Dillon, and Jason Mantzoukas.

A horse is really just a big doggo.

John Wick 3 is a roller coaster. There are highs, and lows, and frankly, by the end of this review I might change this rating based on how I feel. And unless I explicitly state it, you wouldn’t know it was changed, because this is a static writing page and not a video.

First of all, I liked the action more than John Wick 2. Early on a fight scene occurred in an antique weapon shop and was amazing. It was a bit egregious, but amusing, awesome, and painful to watch. The sound guy won’t win any awards for using the same breaking class sound over and over. It set the pace early on and I expected it would then become a non stop action movie that just had Wick going through waves of henchmen and bad guys until no one in the world remained.

But it did not do that. It was slower. There were several scenes of Wick having to convince people to help him, despite repercussions. Then we got an extended shootout that was only interesting because of dogs, because everything else was long takes and head shots and it wasn’t too creative in the long run. Then more slow, then more long fight scenes with boring battles. And finally, finally, the last last set of fights was so painful to watch, because apparently Wick lost all sorts of fighting ability and went through at least 10 walls of glass. These things would explode at a touch when the plot mattered, but other times barely crack if punched/kicked/hit with a weapon.

I understand that paragraph is uncomfortable to read, but looking back at the film, that is what I feel. It was visually pretty to look like, but the beginning was far better than the end, with the movie having no reason to be over two hours long.

The biggest problem I have with the movie though is that There is virtually no difference between the Wick at the beginning and the end of the film. This movie spent over two hours failing to tell a complete story. It decided to tease another film instead, leaving this one just…filler? The only problems solved are ones that were introduced in the film itself, not ones that the whole story has been working towards.

And that is messed up, given the makers of this franchise claiming before the second movie that it was “always a planned trilogy” despite the first being a completely fine stand alone movie and this one also ignoring that statement.

1 out of 4.

I wouldn’t say I am the best cook. Nor am I the best individual to make sure everything in my fridge stays fresh until it is used. We have thrown out plenty of leftovers, and vegetables, who never had a chance to shine. (Because vegetables suck!)

What I am trying to get at is I understand when food gets bad, and it does right before I want to use it.

As for people, I don’t know when people get bad, but Breaking Bad tried to examine that. The Bad Batch is both about bad people, and about bad food. I think you can understand what I am talking about with that.

Stop staring at her winking ass, I am talking about eating people NOT…the other thing.

In the future, The United States sucks a bit more than normal, and there is a section of Texas they have decided to just cut out from the rest of the country. Texas. It makes sense. Beyond those gates is a desert wasteland, claimed by no country, so the people who inhabit it have no rights or laws. This is a prison. People from the US are sent here and called The Bad Batch. They are the freaks and unwanted members of society, or those who cannot fit in. And they are sent to the wasteland to die or thrive, they don’t care, they just need them gone.

And when Arlen (Suki Waterhouse), Bad Batch #5040, is dropped off, she finds herself lost, confused, and immediately captured by a group of cannibals. Now don’t worry, she is able to escape this muscle clad community back into the desert, but not before losing her right hand and right foot.

Thankfully a lone wanderer finds her and dumps her off at a community called Comfort, where she is able to get back on her feet, well, foot, to try and make ends meat of this new society she has been thrust into. And what she wants is revenge.

She apparently goes into the wasteland with a gun, searching for crows for food, and hoping to find someone from that community to kill. But this time she finds a little girl (Jayda Fink), born in the wasteland, forced to live as a cannibal. And now Arlen’s life will really begin to change.

Starring Jason Mamoa as the Miami Man, Keanu Reeves as The Dream, Giovanni Ribisi as The Screamer, Yolonda Ross, Diego Luna, and Jim Carrey as a Hermit.

Don’t worry, it is hard to tell even without the glasses that this is Jim Fucking Carrey. I didn’t know until the credits.

When The Bad Batch exceeds at a mark, it exceeds at a very high level. In terms of world building, it created a post apocalyptic society without having to make an actual apocalypse occur, which is pretty awesome. It goes fully into creating a believable enough atmosphere for the characters to live, thrive, and interact with. It only had a few communities in the film, so it isn’t as expansive as something like Fallout, but it gets the job done for a feature film.

The other thing this film excels at is its cinematography. Barren wastelands hardly are sexy to look at, and it is still true with this movie. But the camera work gives an addition to the characters isolation and thirst, by forcing it on the audience. The colors in Comfort are also vibrant at night to explain their drug fueled, care free attitude towards life. It is a visual spectacle.

The Bad Batch does have some issues with pacing. Despite a rough plot being given, it was really hard to figure out at times just where the movie was headed. It was unpredictable with character actions, so it wasn’t obvious just what the hell was the point. It also dragged heavily in the middle.

A lot of people are likely to be upset at the ending as well, including me. Based on the plot, I couldn’t tell where it was heading of course, but still found myself left down based on where it ended up.

If anything The Bad Batch is a visual spectacle (and not in the CGI infused version of that word), with an amazing world and some weird shit going down. But it is easy to get a little bit bored and have your mind wander off at points.

3 out of 4.

When John Wick came out, I missed it for awhile, and everyone got mad at me for not watching John Wick. So I saw it a few months after the fact, thought it was interesting, but honestly, never rushed back to see it. Didn’t feel like a double watcher for me, is all.

But I was still excited to see John Wick: Chapter 2, because if anything, I like Keanu Reeves as a person and want the most exciting things to happen to him.

And besides, we need more action films where the hero actually reloads his gun and can get hurt.

But first, a reunion we have long been waiting for.

Chapter 2 takes place a little bit after the first film. Wick (Reeves) has a new dog now, but no name. He is still on a rampage, getting things back, finally getting his car. And once he returns, he can retire in peace. But right after he finishes burying his gun, a visitor appears at his door, some dickweed named Santino D’Antonio (Riccardo Scamarcio). Wick owes D’Antonio a favor, a blood favor, because D’Antonio was able to get Wick out of the killing game in order to retire.

But since Wick un-retired for a bit, D’Antonio is going to use his blood favor to make Wick go on one more mission for him. D’Antonio is going to use Wick to kill his sister, Gianna D’Antonio (Claudia Gerini). She has a seat in some international assassins council, and Santino wants it. Wick is forced to, based on these same council rules, despite the fact that killing a council seat holder also gets him in trouble with people on the council.

He is in a lose lose situation, but it is clear that when he does it, everyone will be gunning for him, and Wick will be gunning for one man: Santino.

Also featuring Ian McShane, Ruby Rose, Common, Lance Reddick, Laurence Fishburne, and John Leguizamo.

Something seems in common between these two.

I am actually having a hard time talking about John Wick: Chapter 2. I liked it as a movie, that is for sure. The first movie was very weak on plot, but still entertaining. It had a lot of mystery. In this film, the plot is technically still weak, still mysterious, but also something that answers a whole lot about their world. Secret cabals of assassins, rules for them to follow, safe zones, rules, rules. So many rules.

And you just jump into the world they created. It overwhelms you at first, characters come in with pasts that intersected with Wick that we don’t fully get explained nor do they choose to ever explain them. You just have to run and gun with the rest of them.

As for the action, it is at times non-stop and seemingly realistic. Outside of how many punches Wick can take in the face. He is also given bulletproof suits, they stop the puncture, but they still give him the forceful pain. And hey, he reloads his weapon when he runs out, he replaces his guns all the time, and there are some seriously intense fights. His two bouts with Common are pretty good, and the entirety of the catacombs escape was some of my favorite parts.

If anything, the ending is a bit disappointment because they are turning it into a trilogy and not what feels like a self-contained story like our first film. A great trilogy will have what feels like a complete story on each part, that enhances the whole. So as long as Wick2 makes money, Wick 3 will hopefully finish his story, and be a little bit more than a blood bath.

3 out of 4.

The internet can be a dark and scary place. And that is based only on my limited experience as a regular person. But in reality, I have only seen the surface of what the internet really offers. So I can sound cool, I will start using the lingo and refer to regular internet as Surface Web for that reason! I watched Dope, which means I know what I am about to talk about.

But there is a darker side of the internet. A deeper side. A Deep Web, if you will. This part of the internet has “non-indexed content”, or pages that cannot be found through simple searching. In this area, a lot of fun stuff can happen, including: anonymity. That is one of the biggest complaints about our lives. If we want to remain anonymous, we have to basically go off grid to do so. Everything tracks us, our phones, our search history, everything. But the deep web is where people can just do things that they want to do without worry.

Sure, some of those things might be very illegal activities, like hiring hit men or child pornography. But there is also less serious stuff, like simple selling of drugs or other contraband, and just a community of people who can be honest with one another. Deep Web is a documentary that explores just what is the Darknet and talks about Silk Road, a famous website for drugs and more, that went to trial recently. And interestingly enough, it was directed by Alex Winter, aka Bill from Bill and Ted. Admit it, you were wondering what he was doing with his life.

To make things even better, the documentary is narrated by Keanu Reeves himself.

Bill and Ted’s Darknet Journey!

Enough joking, this is SERIOUS BUSINESS. After all drugs are bad right? Well, not if you listen to like, 5 of the documentaries I have reviewed (And meant to review). Silk Road was a place founded to buy and sell goods with anyone around the world, using bitcoin, an untraceable (if you do it right), currency. It was the safest and best way to get drugs and is one of the biggest reasons Bitcoins became so valuable.

It then goes into the sites eventual take down by the FBI, how they did it, and how they captured the supposed creator or owner of the site, Dread Pirate Roberts aka Kirk Ulbricht.

Of course, naturally, it then goes into the trial, the investigation, shady things that happened and very shady things that happened. This trial ended this year, so it is recent. The point it makes is that the trial wasn’t fair, and the government did illegal things and broke a lot of real life privacy laws to do what it did. Is that guy really the Dread Pirate Roberts? Hell if I know. Probably. But doesn’t mean that I would be fine with the government stepping so far outside their laws to catch him.

It is just a snowball effect. If it is fine with one person, it is fine with everyone, and it is more fuel for the NSA to keep their sails on course.

Now, despite all of this, I still think the documentary went way too long on the trial information. Halfway through it, I was finding myself bored and more susceptible to distractions. A lot of pauses started to happen as I cared less and less. I can agree something sucks, and I can say it started out great, but I wanted a bit more information on Deep Web and other things going on there. Over 75% of this is actually just about the Silk Road and the trial, but damn it, the documentary wasn’t called Silk Road.

2 out of 4.

Due to the way my website works, I am now missing a lot more movies when they are in theaters. I have to decide every week what I want to watch, as I only let myself go to one pre-screening per week except for special circumstances. So some movies fall by the wayside. What did I see instead of John Wick? I don’t even remember. I know I didn’t see Nightcrawler to see Birdman, which was technically the right choice, but Nightcrawler ended up being pretty sexy on its own right.

But everyone already has over-hyped this movie for me. Is it cool to like Keanu again? Sweet! Because I actually liked his last two projects, Man of Tai Chi and 47 Ronin. But if everyone likes this one, then I might love it. Yay Keanu! Yay good publicity! Yay generic as fuck sounding action movies!

How bad ass could his character be, needing to use a sight and all?

John “Leave Me Alone” Wick (Keanu Reeves) has a mysterious past, like most movie characters that are new properties that aren’t based on real live people. But we know he used to be happy. He had a wife. A lover. A soul mate. But now she is gone. No foul play or anything, just a normal bitchy disease that took her life. They knew it was coming. It still hurts though.

And then John gets a package in the mail. A puppy. A fucking puppy?! Yes, a fucking puppy. This puppy, Daisy, was actually arranged to be sent to him from his now dead wife. She wanted to leave him something to help him cope and what better way to cope than A FUCKING PUPPY NAMED DAISY. Seriously guys.

Well, thanks to a small altercation, he ends up pissing up some Russian street thugs. Namely, Iosef (Alfie Allen) really liked his car and wanted to buy it. John tells him no and responds in Russian angering him. So they follow him home, break into his house, KILL HIS NEW PUPPY FROM HIS DEAD WIFE and steal his car. What in the fuck, Russia? What in the fuck?

Unfortunately for the Russians, literally everyone kind of recognizes his car in the car shops, including Iosef’s dad, Viggo Tarasov (Michael Nyqvist). Why? Oh, because John Fucking Wick used to be a hitman for them. Their own Boogieman, who could kill anyone or anything that they wanted. But he retired and got out of the business to be with his woman, promising never to kill again basically.

But then, you know. Dude’s Daisy is dead. So a revenge flick like any other, Wick has to take down the whole organization to feel at peace. Or will it really help?

Also featuring Willem Dafoe, Dean Winters, Adrianne Palicki, John Leguizamo, Ian McShane, and Lance Reddick.

“Iosef, Iosef, rhymes with …fuck, I dunno”

Action packed AND I actually feel sympathy for the main character. This is a great change in my mindset. I am used to getting shitty action movies with un-sympathetic anti-heroes, or just tough guys who have bullets bouncing off their chest, or just action movies without a plot. BUT THIS HAS PLOT AND ACTION. I was freaking out. Because the plot was pretty good, despite being something one could break down into “guy gets revenge on the mob” type of flick. I felt some fear for his life.

On TOP of that (more caps is better right?), the action was also interesting to watch. Some work went into the choreography. Work definitely went into the cinematography. Someone cared behind the helm of this movie and didn’t want just another forgettable movie. My mind is blown. When I first saw a picture for the movie, it was so generic and boring. Well, there might have been a turtle neck, which would have been the only odd thing (outside of Archer).

Keanu was a great man to carry this film. I don’t know if it is due to his own really sad life, or the sad Keanu meme, but his angst was apparent the whole movie. It looked like he carried the weight of the world on his manly shoulders.

John Wick is easily a nice recommendable action movie from 2014. I know it sounds like I am describing a 4 out of 4 movies, but I feel like The Raid 2‘s existence kind of makes it hard for me to elevate any other action movie up to its level. I bet John Wick had faults or things I disliked, I just can’t remember them right now. Shhh.

3 out of 4.

47 Ronin ended up being a textbook example of the phrase “production hell”. The “good people” at Universal Studios decided to give the directing chair to Carl Rinsh, who has only ever done some shorts and commercials before this big budgeted movie. It was supposed to be released in December of 2012, but went 50 million over budget, and required massive reshoots.

Why reshoots? Because Universal Studios thought that Keanu Reeves would be the star of the movie. When they found out he was just a side character, they brought in new editors and had to reshoot many scenes to make him a much bigger player. After all, how else could they market this already huge huge budget movie, without a star being the star? How dare the director try and tell the actual ronin story!

Apparently lying about who the stars were wasn’t too important, given that the main poster for the film (Seen here), features a guy with bone tattoos. He is in the movie for about 5 seconds, has one or two lines, isn’t a villain, and isn’t even wearing make up. Yep, those are his real tattoos, you may remember him from the “Born This Way” Lady Gaga music video.

Yep, here are your brave 47. Not the best shape. Some old. But whatareyougonnado?

47 Ronin is actually a true story that takes place in Japan, this version is just heavily influenced by fantasy. You know, to make cooler fight scenes. But the message and plot are still there.

Early in the 18th century, Japan was in a feudal system, run by warlords. One warlord, Lord Kira (Tadanobu Asano) wanted to extend his rule and conquer the land of a neighboring kingdom, but he wanted to do it without being seen as the aggressor.

At the Ako castle, Lord Asano (Min Tanaka, who looks like the Japanese Bill Nighy) had to host Lord Kira and the local Shogun over for a festival. After a few blunders, Asano attempted to kill Kira (with magic influence being the cause) and he was sentenced to death. Kira has a witch (Rinko Kikuchi) working for him! With their lord dead and because Asano’s only heir was a girl, Mika (Ko Shibasaki), the shogun says that she must marry Kira, joining their kingdoms to prevent further bloodshed. Oh yeah, and all of Asano’s samurai get kicked out and lose their jobs.

A year later, the former samurai leader, Ôishi (Hiroyuki Sanada) decides it is time the remaining ronin (term meaning former Samurai) to rise up, and avenge their former lord’s death. There is of course another side story about Kai (Keanu Reeves), a half blood Japanese man, who also might be part demon. Don’t worry, he is totally a good guy too.

Also featuring Jin Akanishi as Ôishi’s son, and Takato Yonemoto as the coolest ronin in the army.

Shit, that guys sword glows. You know it is serious now.

Overall, 47 Ronin can be seen as a nice fantasy based retelling of an actual historical event. From what I can tell, the story is basically right, minus the parts with the demon raised half blood. Not sure where that came from, but I am not an expert on Japanese history.

On the other other hand, while watching, you can definitely tell the problems that went into production. Scenes are edited weirdly, and I was able to notice that although Reeves’ character was involved, he wasn’t 100% involved. Calling him the main character is silly, because Hiroyuki Sananda as Ôishi is clearly the main lead according to the story. Another way to imagine it is that Sanada plays the main lead, and that Reeves is the strongest weapon in his army, so they are both important.

The acting could have been better, and honestly, I would have liked better CGI effects than what was offered. Sure, the dragon fight scene was nifty, but multiple “villains” had similar styles and it just felt like I was getting a few rehashed fights. Unfortunately the movie will most likely bomb, because the story is great. It just needed a lot more polishing.

2 out of 4.

Something happened to Keanu Reeves while he was filming The Matrix. In one pivotal scene, Morpheus ingrained fighting skills into his head, causing him to wake up and give the famous line, “I know Kung Fu!”

I think that one moment in 1999 changed Keanu Reeves’ life forever. He actually had to learn martial arts for that role, so he probably became obsessed with it. Obsessed enough to finally show off some of his talents by directing his own movie. Man of Tai Chi is the directorial debut of Mr. Reeves, and he isn’t even the main character! If you want to see Keanu star in a martial arts movie, you will have to wait a few more months for 47 Ronin.

Can you believe that this is the first time I had to tag Keanu on my website? What have you been doing the last few years Keanu?!

Instead, this film is about Chen Lin-Hu (Tiger Hu Chen), a student of Tai Chi. His master, Yang (Yu Hai), is thrilled at his progress, but is concerned with his power. He is worried he might succumb to a dark way of using Tai Chi and use it for evil. Psha. Evil.

Well, Chen is hurting for money right now. He enters a regular martial arts tournament to show his worth, and prove that Tai Chi can be used for more than just exercise, while also showcasing the greatness of his temple. Unfortunately, that doesn’t put food on the table. Which is why he accepts a job interview from Donaka Mark (Keanu Reeves), an American security company to help pay the bills. What he doesn’t realize is that this interview is for a secret underground fighting ring…to the death! It pays extremely well, puts Chen against many different kinds of fighters, while also being kept secret from his friends and family.

But Sun Jingshi (Karen Mok), captain of the Hong Kong police force, has been chasing Donaka for months, and Chen might be her ticket to finally bringing him down. He just has to wade through some morality issues, as his mind slowly becomes corrupted by Donaka, who might have ulterior motives.

The actor was a stunt man on the Matrix movies. Huh. I wonder how he first met Keanu.

The most remarkable thing about Keanu’s first directed movie is that he chose to direct a movie in 90% Chinese. He may know the language, but it is not his native tongue, so I assume there were a lot of struggles with it. I don’t speak Chinese, so I cannot confirm if the language was clunky or unnatural, but I have heard reports saying so.

The plot itself for the first half of the film isn’t very unique. However, through few twists and turns, I think this movie becomes not your average martial arts flick, with a much more powerful story than what the trailer and plot description promise.

Every fight was filmed and choreographed beautifully. They were both captivating and entertaining. They were also varied enough to not feel repetitive, through the use of different fighting styles and locations. The final fight in the film itself was over eight minutes long, in a classic setting and felt like the perfect way to end this film.

It was strange watching Keanu as the villain, a role he doesn’t often take. The oddest part was his deep voice, kind of an eternal business grunt. Because he was the arbiter of so many fights, he had to say phrases like “Finish Him!” and “Fight!” constantly. I want to assume they did that as a Mortal Kombat reference, as it sounded pretty close to the real thing.

Man of Tai Chi is not the best martial arts film out there, but it does have its own unique style, and is probably one of the best ones that will come out all year. Definitely a great first effort from Keanu, but I hope he doen’t just stick to one genre, like RZA.

3 out of 4.