Tag: Chinese

I am happy to say that I chose Trouble Makers (Xiongdi, bie nao!) at the festival. I was debating between it and another movie, and looking for anything to tell me why I should pick one or the other. The description of a sentence look looked humorous, and the fact that it involved twins that didn´t look like twins just made it seem like a comedy. But my book listed it as a modern drama.

So it was between a Chinese Modern Drama, and a Turkish War Drama, which definitely wasn´t funny.

And I am glad I chose this one, because like I imagined, it was actually a comedy and the genre was just wrong. I just wanted to laugh, damn it.

Especially laugh at others misfortunes.

Zheng Hao (Xiaopan Gao) is a bit of a bad ass. He is a criminal, he is a thief, he has been to jail, and he doesn´t give a fuck. He only gives one fuck, actually. And that is about his brother, Zheng Zhong (Xianchao You). His twin brother, although they don´t look too similar. Some issues with child birth. Zhong is a bit slower, but he is protective of his smaller brother, the brains of the operation.

Either way, Hao finds himself in hot shit after leaving prison when he immediately causes a lot of destruction and has to pay it back.

The good news is that a local station has an idea for a new reality show! It is about bad guys wanting to become good. If they can turn their lives around, get forgiveness, right their wrongs, and do good things (please!) then they will win a big cash prize. Enough to pay off his new debts, and hey, money yo.

So sure, they will put in the effort to do good things, at least originally just for the money. But then Hao starts to fall for the very pretty worker who is putting on the show, Xia Tian Fan (Shasha Yu). It helps. But being good is hard, and they are going to have to change a lot to get better.

Also starring Sam Lee, Samuel Pang, Sky Li, Xi Chen, Ziming He, and Yu Tian as the Steve Perry looking director.

I mean he looks like Steve Perry when he has his wig completely on. Bald Steve Perry without it.

Trouble Makers was full of laughs, and they came on hard and strong. Sure, it ended on a serious note. Including an excessively long fight scene, but ended up right in the feels and morally strong.

The director is also the star of this movie, and he has officially directed and been in only one movie, this one. It is an extremely impressive feat for a first timer, and honestly, I feel like a liar just typing that out. It is truly hard to believe.

This is a slap stick movie, with subtle gags, non subtle gags, and sure, just pure misfortune going to our characters. It did have some other interesting aspects, like a scene where four clearly Chinese individuals were in brown make up to act like Indians. And you know what, I am not an expert on Chinese/Indian relationships, but I am sure that is totally fine, although it wouldn´t fly at all in America.

This film has a lot of energy and surprises, tackling its own satire on the reality television fads going across the world strong for some decades now.

The world is changing. No longer does a films success rely on success in the US. A film could bomb in the US but be loved throughout the world and studios now realize the full potential of that. China is now one of the most important box office countries, as they have a shit ton of people, and love very easy to make films. No offense, China.

So when a film breaks Chinese box office records, it damn well should be paid attention to. Especially if that film isn’t even from America, but China itself!

The Mermaid broke a few box office records in China. It had the biggest opening day, best second day, third, etc up to its best seventh day. Hell, as expected, it has the best opening week and is the highest grossing film ever in China. What this really tells me is that China really loves Stephen Chow (the director), or at least, really loves Mermaids. One of the two has to be true, if not both!

This was all early in the year, but now it is out in America. Not our theaters, but Red Box. Close enough.

Who wouldn’t love something so exotic and beautiful?

Liu Xuan (Chao Deng) is a super rich, young, famous, sex addicted fool. He loves his money and he loves his women. And he has just spent a shit ton of movie dollars to purchase Green Gulf, which currently is a wildlife reserve. It is a stupid investment, because he can’t really make money out of it. They can’t turn it into housing. But he buys it because he cares about the animals and wants to make it prosperous.

Just kidding. In fact, his company as introduced these strange sonar items to the sea. They can be set to specific frequencies to annoy the crap out of the type of animal living there. Namely dolphins! It can drive them out of the area and make them never want to return, or you know, kill them. And once the dolphins are gone, he can build some resorts, and make a shit ton more money.

But guess what. Mermaids also live in the area! And this is hurting their tribe physically and forced them to live in a half sunken ship off the coast. They have derived a plan. They have slightly modified the tail of Shan (Yun Lin) and taught her how to walk and get around. She is the prettiest of the mermaids. They are sending her out to the real world, to meet Xuan, seduce him, to bring him back to the tribe, so they can murder him and get their revenge.

Good, clean, mermaid family fun.

Also featuring Show Luo as an Octopus Mermaid (which doesn’t have an official name) and Yuqi Zhang as Xuan’s business partner.

Tentacles, weapons, and a million ways to die.

Foreign films have had a very specific theme for me lately. Weird. Weird weird weird. And not just because I am an American and think non-American thinks are silly. But they are just very strange comedic films, heavy in a theme and going balls to the walls with their story.

It did take a good while into the story before I really understood what the hell was going on. It was at least entertaining up to that point, being goofy with over acting characters. And it remained goofy, full of exagerration, and silly situations. A strange sort of slapstick romance.

Is it actually the best movie of the year? Far from it. But it did have a few twists and turns and laugh out loud moments.

The Mermaid won’t be for everyone. But if you watch the trailer, think it is amusing, then hey, it is a pretty easy way to waste a couple of hours.

Sixteen years ago, in the year 2000, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon was released and changed cinema forever. I’d say it is hard to imagine any other martial arts movie having as much of an impact as this one. It won Best Foreign Film at the Oscars, a few other awards, and was nominated for a shit ton more. It put Ang Lee on the map, who has gone on to direct Brokeback Mountain, Life of Pi, and yes, Hulk.

It was renowned for its cinematography, changing the way a lot of fight scenes were done for the better. Something shaky cam had tried to kill. It has been referenced in TV shows and films, parodied, and is probably just one of the most well known martial arts films of all time, even if most people haven’t seen it.

So a sequel was finally announced, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny, hoping it could recapture all of the magic as the first. And hey, everyone can watch it too, because it was put on Netflix right away and some IMAX theaters. No need to buy a ticket. Can watch in your own home, in Chinese with subtitles or in English dubbed. What a world we live in!

I should note, I totally went the dubbed route. I have been watching a lot of foreign films lately, and I needed a break, damn it.

I’m tired of all these motherfucking Ninjas attacking these motherfucking old ladies.

Set almost two decades after the first film, we only have two characters returning. The first is Yu Shu Lien (Michelle Yeoh), our hero from the first story, and Green Destiny, the sword that people really want, and will want again.

Who wants the sword? Well, everybody.

Including Hades Dai (Jason Scott Lee), a war leader with a large army and a huge tower, looking to take over everything. He is the villain if you couldn’t tell from his name. There is also a mysterious girl, Snow Vase (Natasha Liu Bordizzo) who was trained very young in the cool martial arts stuff, by a mysterious female trainer. And of course we have Tiefang (Harry Shum Jr., yes the dancing Asian guy from Glee), who snuck into Yu Shu’s compound to steal the sword, but who does he work for?!

That’s not it either, though!

We have Silent Wolf (Donnie Yen), who also has a mysterious past and relationship with Yu Shu. He is more interested in stopping Hades, and lucks into his own army to do so! Well, four other people. Silver Dart Shi (Juju Chan), Flying Blade (Chris Pang), Turtle Ma (Darryl Quon), and Iron Crow (Roger Yuan).

Want some magic? Sure, let’s get some magic. We have Eugenia Yuan playing Blind Enchantress.

Ice fighting is a lot like dancing, it makes sense.

In a lot of ways, Sword of Destiny is like a lot of modern products. Actually an old product designed as new in flashy boxes and colorful lights, but of lesser quality so you have to buy another one in a short time.

Practical effects and stunt work are gone for cheaper/easier CGI. Intricate fight scenes are still there, but less impactful than the original and mostly look like a lot of other current martial art films.

The plot is so bad, I can barely even tell you what the hell happened. True, I remember close to nothing about the plot of the first film, but I blame that on time after only seeing it once, and not on it being overly bad.

Yes, some of the fight scenes are still entertaining at least, but they end up being the only occasionally good part of the film. The final battles are laughable, especially the fight scene on the tower. It is so incredibly animated looking, it almost feels like a bad video game.

Hey, at least this movie is free. Too bad if you haven’t seen the first film, for whatever reason Netflix doesn’t have that available to watch. Not that you need to see it to understand the movie. Maybe they realized it wasn’t as good, so they got rid of the better one to force you to see the new one.

So, I really didn’t want to write this review for Confucius, and it probably will show!

Accidentally, for my website, I guess I also reviewed three foreign movies in a row. One Japanese, One French, and now Chinese. This was entirely unintentional. When the fuck did I become so culturally diverse with my movies? Seriously, I feel like a European.

I picked up this one because I could see it in Blu-Ray and hell, I knew who Confucius was. Maybe I could learn a lot from it? Tai Chi Zero from earlier in the week was a preview watch and something I had to see, unfortunately on DVD. The Intouchables was recommended by a European and an Australian.

I feel the need to explain myself in great detail. I promise, no more foreign films for the rest of this month!

But seriously, I just want to see a movie about people thinking of good advice. Hard.

So this movie is about Confucius. The man, the myth, the legend.

It takes place a long time ago, and I don’t know how much of it is true.

It must be true! They wouldn’t just ramp up the accolades of an ancient philospher/leader, right? Right.

Well. Confucius did a lot, and was wise, and had some trials. But he passed them, with a can do attitude and elbow grease. I believe that is a Confucius saying. He lead wars, made laws, became a wandering scholar, and saved lives. But he was also played by Yun-Fat Chow. What!? Yeah. That guy who is in all those movies. He had a serious role as one of the most popular Chinese historical figures of all time (After Mulan of course), and isn’t well known for being serious I wouldn’t say.

But hey, its a movie about Confucius for China to love, not me to judge (too bad, its the job).

YES! EVEN MORE LARGE HEAD THINKING SHOTS!

Here is something funny about the release of this movie. It came out in 2010, a few weeks after Avatar. You know the one, the record breaking movie. Well, China wanted everyone in China to like Confucius, not a western movie like Avatar. So Avatar would be pulled from over 1500 2D Screens in China for this film, and that made people mad. Too bad no one cared, because everyone saw Avatar in 3D anyways. After a week or so, Confucius still wasn’t being watched, and they returned the 2D Avatar to a bunch of screens. James Cameron fucked over the Chinese nationals pretty hard.

The reason it bombed probably isn’t because Avatar was awesome, but mostly because it was boring as shit. Confucius is such a big important cool dude, and watching his movie made me feel incredibly bored. Hell, I watched it while laying down shirtless probably eating Pringles, and seeing his great life didn’t even make me feel bad about my own. I just didn’t care. It was nice visually, but didn’t entertain me on any noticeable levels. Huh, I guess I accidentally made another Avatar comparison.

To understand the important of 1911, is to understand China. I guess. You know how much they apparently love number symbolism, with the 2008 Olympics. THis movie was theatrically releases in 2011, 100 years after the events of the movie. It also happens to be Jackie Chan’s 100th acting appearance. Coincidence? Or Jackie Chan?

Often considered to be the Chinese Chuck Norris.

This movie is about the 1911 Revolution in China, which overthrew the last Dynasty (Qing) and lead to the creation of the Republilc of China. I think Dynasties existed for about the last 2000 years before that, so this was a big change indeed. Dynasties, however, are why there are so many historical Chinese movies from way in the past, full of war. So Dynasties, great for entertainment, bad for “freedom”.

Anyways. There are tons of characters in the movie. In fact, during it, a person will often start talking and on the side it will display their name and title, even if they are only shown once/have one line. If you are watching this movie with subtitles, it can be very distracting. Often instead of showing actual events, giant subtitles will pop up in the middle of the film, (usually when no one is talking thankfully) to explain what happened. Blah blah group got killed, blah blah happened, etc. This happens a LOT.

It was already a movie I was reading, so reading more wasnt the problem. Just seemed to take me away from the action. In American films usually that type of thing is only done at the end, to explain what happens next/after the movie. Not during the movie that they dont want to show. Just seems weird, like it could have been done way better.

Thanks to his goal of making it factually correct, I guess, Chan doesn’t fill it up with silly martial arts either. There is zero of that, but a few gun fights.

But that becomes the bigger problem. Boredom. It seems like a long history lesson on this event that, while important (maybe), just isn’t that interesting. A lot of the fighting was done with politics and arguing, and getting monetary allies. That is all. That could be entertaining, but it wasn’t in this movie. Bingbing Li played the other main role in this movie, but it didn’t seem to be particularly great, her role. There was a lot of scenes filled with people just yelling things at each other, as if their emotion went from dull to AHHH and no in between.

Here is a picture of Bingbing, you’re welcome!

Despite just watching a movie on it, and actually liking History (I majored in it), I cannot say I know anything more about the 1911 revolution than I did before. Well. I now know it was the Qing dynasty that was last? But uhh, that is about it. So I feel like having retained zero knowledge of the actual events seems to be another fault of the storytelling.

Hopefully Chan will get over his period piece obsession, and do something modern, if only to break up these films.