Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

I don’t think we need a fucking introduction for Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

But if I did, I would probably just point you towards Sharknado, Sharknado 2: The Second One, and remake the same joke about Cory Monteith’s last two tweets.

That is, if I was doing an intro, of course.

If this review had pictures, I’d maybe make a joke about patriotic violence here.

Now that LA and NYC have been filled with disaster, Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) finds himself in the nation’s capital to receive a biggest honor a civilian can have from the POTUS (Mark Cuban) himself! Big deal! Then a sharknado happens of course. Don’t worry, we don’t have anything super drastic happen, like the president dying. Because Fin is there and he can protect the president!

But DC was just the start. Sharknados are starting to pop up all down the east coast, as a big…storm…thing begins to develop. Out of nowhere! So Fin has to get down to Orlando, where his wife, April, (Tara Reid), daughter (Ryan Newman), and mother-in-law (Bo Derek) are at for vacation. April is of course now pregnant, because that makes action movies more fun. Because if Fin doesn’t get down to Florida, clearly they won’t be able to survive on their own.

Thankfully, Fin runs into Nova (Cassie Scerbo) from the first film! She is with some dude, Lucas (Frankie Muniz), in a super armored RV, tracking where the storms will appear so they can fuck them up. Now he has a way to get down south.

Flashforward a bit, the only way they are going to stop the giant storm wall about to take out all of the East coast, involves going into space. That is how serious this film gets. And David Hasselhoff plays Fin’s father, an astronaut, which for some reason April also goes, regardless of her pregnancy.

There is also Blair Fowler, Jack Griffo, and Chris Jericho with notable smaller roles. And like, one fucking scene with Mark McGrath, the best part of the second movie.

Frankie Muniz should have been my McGrath in this movie. But he also was barely in it. 🙁

I feel annoyed at SyFy channel. They are intentionally making half-assed bad movies to achieve some sort of cult status. They have made tons of these, and unfortunately, for whatever reason, the Sharknado franchise has reached cult status. Probably due to good PR, I am guessing. But the franchise is not in the so bad it is good category, it is literally just in the so bad it is bad area. I feel like they don’t put effort into their film, so why should I put effort into the review?

This movie is not good. It doesn’t have amusing parts. It just has a lot of cheap parts. Clearly low budget for the sake of laughs, but it is just more of the same. “But wait, this one goes into outer space and terrorizes multiple locations!” Yeah. It does. New doesn’t make it a positive.

The only remotely interesting aspect is the death of Munez. And it was too ridiculous and nonsensical. So at the same time, even that is a disappointment.

And fuck. They of course confirmed the fourth one. Which includes whether or not a character will die at the start of it from the “cliffhanger” ending. So the internet will of course kill them off. And when it comes out, a month or two later I will end up writing what I hope is an even more half-assed review to match their franchise effort.