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I saw a preview for Charlie Bartlett years ago and wasn’t really sure what to think of it. Like most previews, I didn’t actively chase after it and soon forgot about it. Years later, I see the cover and go…OH YEAH. Surprised at the actors involved too, since this thing came out in 2007, at least a year before most of these people got big (or got big..again).

I think we all know who I am talking about here.

Charlie Bartlett is played by Anton Yelchin, who didn’t make it super big yet with Star Trek / The Beaver / Fright Night. He is a rich kid, but his mom is depressed and his dad is in jail for tax evasion. He also keeps getting kicked out of private schools for some reason or another.

But now, he is going to public school. Not only that, but going to a school where Robert Downey Jr. is the principal (Not yet re-famous from Tropic Thunder / Iron Man / Sherlock Holmes ). He has problems making friends, except for one mentally challenged boy he rides the bus with. In fact the school bully Murphy (Tyler Hilton who was in…uhh nothing. Okay he isn’t too big…yet?) already kicked his ass.

But once Charlie realizes he could probably make money and some cash by selling people his extra pills that his psychiatrist has given him, he convinces Murph to team up with him and set up shop in the Boys bathroom. He becomes a psychiatrist himself. Afterall, he has been to enough his whole life, so he feels like he knows what should be said. If they need help, he goes to a new psychiatrist and takes on their problems to get different pill subscriptions. Needless to say, this makes him quite popular. So much that Susan (Kat Dennings, not yet in Thor / Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist / 2 Broke Girls ), the rebellious principals daughter, gets to liking him too.

But a drug ring in this school, that already has sketch privacy issues in the first place, and dating Susan? RBJ does not like this, and plans to expel Charlie once he catches him doing…something bad.

While the whole time, Charlie is only doing this stuff to try and fit in and make friends, not planning on becoming an activist leader for student rights, or rocking the boat too much. After all, he is just a kid.

Who will listen to your problems like a Priest. Kind of.

Turns out I should have watched this film earlier, because it was a very enjoyable experience. The plot felt loose the whole movie, yet it flowed naturally. The acting from the main two was top notch, and touching at times. I wasn’t ever sure if Charlie was being very manipulative, or actually unaware of the effects he was having on the lives of others. One of the final scenes, between Yelchin and RDJ was very powerful and awesome at the same time. Didn’t even rely on special effects or action, just the talking felt completely real, making it great.

The movie was definitely funny when it needed to be and serious when it mattered the most. Parts felt forced, sure, which caused some of my “is he manipulative or not?” confusion, but really at the end, he was just a kid who wanted to fit in for once.

When I first saw the previews for Inception I thought “Meh”. That is a hard meh too, not one of those soft cat mehs. Just seemed silly. Kind of reminded me of Dark City, in a strange, not at all like Dark City way.

The only reason I went to see it was because of all the hype from my friends, who tend to hype the same things all the time. But still, had a free afternoon, and people to go with. Sure I was kind of tired, but I mean, theres no way I could fall asleep during a movie in a theater right?

Spoilers: I may have incepted Inception.

Movie begins with dreams inside of dreams. That is a common motif. Leonardo DiCaprio is the head thief, because of his beady eyes. The Cobra Commander also is on the team, and helps make sure all the nuts and bolts work, and designs how that shit will go down. They also later get Juno, an architect student, to help build the maze dream-scapes. Confused yet? Good

These bitches pretty much, using a special technology, go into peoples dreams and convince them to give up their secrets. So they steal things, more or less, from their own consciousness. Bank codes, safe codes, what have you. Sometimes they have to go dream within a dream within a dream to get shit done. But the deeper you go affects how time moves. So it moves super slow in the real life compared to how fast the dreams are going.

They have to get some shit from Cillian Murphy, for lots of cash. Sure, Leo has some family problems at home. He lost his wife, Marion Cotillard, in a dream Limbo place, and has to resort to having Michael Caine watch his children while he is out doing illegal things.

“Oh, err, umm. I found them this way?”

Either I didn’t get this movie, and I am a dumb, or this movie is a shit sandwich in a basket. One of the two.

Offering immoral behavior, and invading the last known sanctuary of a man, aka his mind, this film should probably have been rated NC-17 for penetration that deep.

None of the characters seemed believable, especially that old asian guy. Whats up with him?

I think people just liked it because of the supposed mysterious ending at the end. Bitch please, that top was going to spin forever.

Possibly the worst movie I saw in 2010, which is a surprise, because I actually watched Jonah Hex too.

Why would someone watch a movie called Assassination of a High School President? You mean besides the title? I don’t know. But you sound like a troll for still asking that question.

It’s. Called. Assassination. Of a. High School. President.

How is that not reason enough to watch the movie, right? Right?

There is probably at least one other reason. I just cannot put my finger on it.

The story is about Bobby Funke (Reece Thompson) and wanting to get into a Journalism program for the summer, and he is mostly a sophomore loser. Despite claiming to be a great writer, he has never finished an article for the school newspaper. He gets his “big break” when he gets to do a story on the high school president (Patrick Taylor), because for some reason the editor (Melonie Diaz) thinks it will be a good idea.

Well, he can’t even get an interview. He is bullied by the student council and the VP, Marlon Piazza (Luke Grimes). But when the HSP gets injured in a basketball game, he finally figures he can get an interview! But also that same night all of the SAT tests were stolen from the principals locked safe (Bruce Willis), bringing up an even bigger problem. Francesca (Mischa Barton), the step sister of Marlon, and girlfriend of the HSP begs Bobby to find the culprit and bring him down, because she was feeling “Really good” about her scores.

But when all the clues point to the HSP being the culprit (including a locker full of SATs), Bobby has to find out if there is a deeper problem at the school. Maybe one involving drugs and gambling, and if the HSP is just being set up.

Or is it all simply just a game of beer pong that he has to infiltrate?

This is my first “noir” tag of a review. Celebrate everyone!

Because this film is not your ordinary comedy. Most of it includes a lot of voice overs, and other classic mystery references in order to give it a way different feel. It is some sort of catholic school, with uniforms and all, where everything I guess is just super intense.

I thought the acting was great, and also that Bruce Willis wasn’t just a small role, but all up in this movie. I only expected about two cameos, but his role is huge and hilarious.

But the story didn’t appeal to me that great. I think I want to watch it again, but not for awhile. Definitely interesting enough for a one and done viewing, for sure. New movie experiences are always a plus. Just, didn’t love it as much as I thought I would.

I think a lot of my reviews coming up will be from my “box of weirder things” in the corner of my room. And by weirder, I just mean lesser known.

Bart Got A Room I picked by grabbing randomly, but originally bought it because hey, when has William H. Macy ever disappointed? The answer is never, damn it. If you have a real example, I will ignore it and just say haters gonna hate.

But then again, Macy isn’t the main character.

The main character is Danny (Steven Kaplan), hah. You thought his name would be Bart. A few months before Prom, and he is starting to think of what to do. Sure, everyone expects him to go with Camille (Alia Shawkat), one of his neighbors and best friends since pre school. But he wants it to be more of a romantic thing. So of course he instead thinks about asking the sophomore he takes to and from school every day, Alice (Ashley Benson).

Well that doesn’t work, and he already told Camille it was a sure thing. Awk. Oh well, it is still a few months before prom, he can easily find another woman and not have to weirdly go back to Camille and ask her, right?

His parents are also recently divorced (Macy and Cheryl Hines) and dealing with their own relationship problems at the same time. The potential of a new step parents, and the potential of a sexfreak (oh guess which parent each applies to).

The movie also has a “music video” attached to it!

First off, this movie is pretty short, about 75 minutes in length. So the story moves fast, as you can tell, since it doesn’t have that much going on with it. I loved the beginning, the quirkyness of it all felt funny in an embarrassing way. And the constant face palms at our main character, trying to make prom something more than it is, because even BART got a damn room and date.

But eventually the film lost its uniqueness, and the last third is kind of disappointing. A lot of predictability, and eh, just was a let down with the buildup. Opening hooks are great, but endings are the last impression, damn it.

So it is an okay movie, but you know. Could have had a stronger finish.

I feel like just by having the title The Babysitters (and knowing that it is R) is enough of a reason to make some of the readers instantly interested in this movie.

Pervs, how dare you!

I however knew the basic plot before I saw this one (and is why I saw it, I guess). So jokes back on me, hah!

And it features a club of the babysitters. Sort of like that other movie/book series.

The reason I wanted to watch this movie was of course because John Leguizamo was in it and NOT doing a weird voice. What? That has only happened like, once before, and during that movie he had to fight tree pollen.

But instead, at the beginning of this movie he gets into an affair. Yes, even with a wife and two kids at home. With his babysitter, Shirley (Katherine Waterston), a junior in high school. Oh yeah, so she is underage. And it is from her point of view, not his.

Happening on a whim, she finds that the increased money in her possession is a good thing, and does it a few more times with him. Eventually he has a “Friend” who would also like babysitting, so she gets her friend Melissa (Lauren Birkell) to join in, getting a percentage of her take for setting it up, of course. But then they get more business, and have to get their other friend Brenda (Louisa Krause), who gets her sister in. And then some other girls. And other clients. But you see where this is going.

Of course any proper brothel like ring won’t happen without the normal problems. Such as ladies trying to leave to start their own business, or men who tell too many people, or men who are too aggressive. These are all problems that must be dealt with. You know, by teenage girls. Also, John Leguizamo is kind of falling in love with Shirley. He also didn’t like her babysitting for other guys.

These are her seduction eyes.

I should note that I was actually surprised that in a movie of this caliber that there would be nudity, but it happened. After all, they are “teens”. But hey, you know.

Clearly this movie questions a lot of morals, and even has a twist of some sort at the end to try and put it all in perspective. But I feel like it doesn’t do enough. There is not a real defining moment in the movie when a character mentions how bad all of this is, and tries to end it. Nor is the emotional damage afflicted on either side of the line dealt with in any real way.

In fact, the ending kind of sweeps it all under the rug, and ignores some things. The acting isn’t the best either, except surprisingly John Leguizamo does do a good job. Again, this is using his normal John voice, no impressions, so that might be a first. I didn’t like the ending or the twist. The only reason it gets a decent rating is that the story did captivate me from beginning to end, it just could have been so much better.

21 Jump Street (the movie) is nothing like 21 Jump Street (the TV show). Have I seen the show? No. But I know “about it” enough so that I get it. That was more of a crime drama thing, not really a comedy. The movie is a straight up comedy, with tons of references to the show.

You can like both the show and the movie, because it is clearly not a “Remake” but its own thing, taking the basic premise of the show. You know, in case you were curious. But I should also note that when I first heard about it my reaction was a resounding “What The Fuck!?”

But are these two knuckleheads at all believable in these roles or as cops?

Movie begins in 2005, when Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum‘s characters were in school. Hill, nerdy and shy. Tatum, athlete and dumb. 7 years later, some how, they are both wanting to be cops. They remember each other, and agree to work together (helping study / train) and become great friends and partners!

And after a bad first arrest while being park patrol on bikes, they get re-sentenced to an undercover gig on Jump Street, because they are “young looking” to infiltrate a high school and try and stop this new drug from being spread. Could be lethal, but they know nothing about it! So they have to infiltrate the dealers, find the suppliers. So says Ice Cube, their sergeant.

They meet the “cool kids” Brie Larson and Dave Franco, and accidentally switch their identities. ROLE ROLE REVERSAL. They find the dealers, and work on befriending them in order to find the supplier, and you know. Hopefully save the day without getting fired or expelled.

This also features Rob Riggle as a PE teacher, Ellie Kemper as an AP Chemistry teacher, Jake M. Johnson as the principal, and Nick Offerman as their former boss. (This was my paragraph of “People you probably recognize from a TV show”).

Yes, that is the younger brother of James Franco. And it would have bugged you the whole movie noting how similar they looked. He is formally known as “Greg the soccer player” in Superbad.

But outside of all of it, was it funny? Yeah, shit was funny.

It was a self aware comedy too, making obvious jabs at the idea of recreating an 80s drama show into a modern comedy movie. Very easy to catch jokes too. Not everything has to be very subtle.

The made up drug is great, and the moment when the characters were forced to use it? Some of the most funniest consecutive minutes of my life.

Ever joke I don’t think hit the mark, but a large percentage of them did. The action scenes they threw in got to be quite heavy (and slightly predictable) and at one point they actually made a claim that goes against the teachings of South Park, a very hard pill to swallow.

There is one major reason why “average people” would want to see Melancholia.

I may be off my rocker declaring this, or pompous, not sure. But come on, that has got to be it.

That is why I wanted to see this movie. Not afraid to say that.

This movie is highly rated and an artsy indie movie. But also Kirsten Dunst is super naked in it.

This is not one of those times. But it might as well be.

The movie is split up into two parts and a prologue. The movie begins with Earth getting fucked up and getting hit by a giant planet. Like way bigger than Earth. All the scenes were in super slow motion and confusing me, because I saw the same characters doing different things, when I thought it was supposed to show their last seconds. Nope. The first part is called “Justine” played by Dunst. She is getting married! To Michael (Alexander Skarsgard). They have a big ceremony on a mountain and are late. Limos hate mountains.

It is a weird wedding. Family issues, etc. Dunst is some sort of depressed and her sister, Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg) is clearly trying to help her out. She is trying super hard to fix it all, but cant. And before her wedding night, she screws some other person and I guess Michael finds out and leaves her. That night. Wooo, take that Kim Kardashian.

The second half is called Claire, for some reason. The planet is getting close to earth, but everyone is saying it will miss the planet. Including Claire’s husband, played by Kiefer Sutherland, an amateur astronomer. But Claire freaks out anyways, and now her sister is living with her, barely able to do anything at all with her depression. She is even looking forward to the collision and hopes it will happen! And we all know it will right? It will miss, but sling shot back around and come fuck everything else up.

“OH FUCK!” – Earth in one collective groan.

Did I spoil it all? Hard to say.

I am kind of mad at the ending. It doesn’t happen at all like the beginning seemed to suggest. Maybe it was a metaphor, the beginning. Or something. I don’t know.

It is a super indie artsy movie and well, maybe it went over my head? If it did I don’t care. It made me not like it. The wedding was all long and sporatic, so I didn’t enjoy watching it. I didn’t understand Dunst’s character. I didn’t even realize her husband was trying to divorce her the same night. Id understand that he was mad since she said she’d be right back before wedding sex, and she took forever. But I don’t see how that is grounds for no longer seeing each other.

Took me awhile to realize what had happened, until it was spelled out for me (yay wikipedia) which I decided to read the first part of the plot summary before the second act.

And uhh yeah. If you want to see Kristen Dunst naked, you have the internet.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army made one of the worst mistakes ever. The worst being releasing your movie the same date as The Dark Knight.

So instead it id the second or third worst mistake ever. It released in theaters the week before The Dark Knight. Sure, all the fanboys would go to see both. But people who only watch once a month, or random viewers who had to choose between two “comic book movies” meant Hellboy II would lose every time.

This is a shame, because Hellboy II ended up being better than Hellboy in every way. (If I had to review Hellboy, I’d probably give it a 2 out of 4. Interesting, but not my favorite. Cool concept, falls short.)

That outfit? All make up, no CGI. What!?

Hellboy (Ron Perlman) is up to his same antics. He hates being locked away, wants to be free. Liz Sherman (Selma Blair), who can ignite herself and other objects on fire, is now his “girlfriend”, but they are fighting as they live together. Why? Because she is pregnant (awkward). It is causing things in the B.P.R.D. to be quite a mess. Abe (Doug Jones), the fish man and Tom (Jeffrey Tambor), the director, are worried the antics will cost them jobs.

Well Prince Nuada (Luke Goss), an ancient elf is pissed off. He wants to return to the surface world, reignite the golden army of indestructible robots, and kill all humans. His race disagrees, so he kills a bunch of them. Not his twin sister, Princess Nuala (Anna Walton) though, because if one of them gets hurt, so does the other. So he causes problems and Hellboy uses this opportunity to join the world!

This causes a new director to come in, Johann Krauss (Voiced by Seth MacFarlane), an old being who is now all gaseous and shit. And German. Now they have to run things by the book, and figure out how to find out whats going on with the elves.

More fights happen, unexpected love between fish and elf, giant plant beasts, close deaths, certain destruction, and golden armies.

And probably the best version of “Can’t Smile Without You” of all time!

As expected, I loved this movie. As I said, the action is better, the story is better (general rule in the sequel, since you don’t have to waste as much time with origins), it is funnier, and introduces great new characters.

It might be closer to the comics too, but I still haven’t read them. I am anxiously waiting an ending to the saga with a Hellboy III. It might be a few years from now, but they keep claiming he will eventually destroy the world, as that is why he was summoned in the first place, so that shit needs to almost happen.

Oh yeah, and I am pretty sure Hellboy is how Ron Perlman normally looks, and every other time is him in make up.

I might have seen a trailer for this movie before. Maybe. It sounded familiar when I saw the case at least and quickly thought, “Of course! I have to buy The Foot Fist Way!” Especially if it was only a buck.

Ignore the camera crew and director in the mirror.

Danny McBride plays Fred Simmons, in his first ever major movie. Ever. Way before he was Kenny Powers. He runs his own Tae Kwon Do dojo, maybe in South Carolina. They make references to Myrtle Beach at least twice in this movie. Somehow he has a decent looking wife (Mary Jane Bostic), but she might be a whore. Giving some handjobs at work to her boss and all.

Either way, he actually does know his martial arts, not a complete poser. He got first in some national competition…a long time ago. So now he has a Dojo. His idol is Chuck “The Truck” Wallace (Ben Best), a Hollywood martial arts expert (ie lot like Chuck Norris), who he is pretty sure he an take in a fight.

And uhh yeah. Eventually he takes some members down to a conference to see The Truck in action, party with him, and get him to come by to judge their belt testing.

The truck fucks his wife, they duel, the truck wins, great dishonor on Kenny Pow- erm, Fred Simmons’ family. They challenge again, but on breaking things. And then the movie ends.

Watching this movie is watching the first incarnation of Kenny Powers, more or less. I assume this had no script, the rough outline I gave you, and some scenes of Danny McBride beating up some kids.

I thought it worked. It was enjoyable. But the ending felt like a major let down. I didn’t even understand that last scene, I watched it a second time to see if there were any jokes there. None. Hmm. Offputting. Maybe the lack of humor at the end was part of the humor? But I did not like that.

The Runaways is a movie I could have watched about a year and a half ago, maybe.

But at that point I thought “Man, why would I want to watch the origins of a band that gave me Joan Jett? I don’t like Joan Jett.” Blah blah, woman power and etc, but man, I really don’t like Joan Jett.

Giant picture, to cover up my biases.

But first, some introductions.

Cherrie Currie (Dakota Fanning) wants to be a rock star and loves David Bowie. She apparently likes singing, despite the fact that early on, she is inaudible and hard to hear. She also has an alcoholic father, and a sister (Riley Keough) who would love to get away from home as well.

Joan Jett (Kristen Stewart) likes guitars and wearing “men clothes!” (leather jacket?!) and meets Kim Fowley (Michael Shannon), a guy who agrees, there should be an all girl rock band! They get Jett, and a drummer, and try to find a “hot blonde singer”. Cherrie Currie is found and auditions with a lame song, so they make a new song that becomes their new number one hit.

They also gain Lita Ford (Scout Taylor-Compton) and Robin*.

They become world famous, drugs happen, and crazy Japanese fangirls. They also start to hate each other, mostly Lita hating Cherrie. Eventually she quits the band, ruins the Runaways, and goes back home to live a lame life. Joan Jett just makes her new band and becomes famous. Lita Ford does her Lita Ford things. Robin* dies in a planecrash.

Never to be seen again…

So yeah, teens doing sex things and drugs and touring. The 70s were crazy, man.
* – There is no Robin. She is a fictional character in the band because Jackie Fox did not allow usage of her name.

Why? Probably because Jackie Fox has nothing to do with this movie. Instead of focusing on the whole band (I don’t even know the drummer (middle girls) name), it was Jett/Currie. The manager guy who eventually tried to screw them over had more of a screen presence than Ford, Robin, and the drummer.

I didn’t hate the performances of the characters though. Felt weird to see Dakota Fanning in a role like that, which is why I am sure she did it. ( “Fuck Typecasting” – Dakota Fanning) The music wasn’t that bad either, mostly sure I have never heard of a song by The Runaways before, and it was decent.

Would be glad to never hear Cherry Bomb again though, felt like that song was played too much in one movie.

But I didn’t like (obviously) how one sided it all felt. Surely there was more going on than the lead singer doing drugs, failing at life, and then not being a big star for the rest of her life? I think it is why a lot of people disliked The Temptations, because it felt more like The Temptations – In Otis Williams mind. He had the advantage of being the only one left alive though, so why not?

I can’t confirm this, but I am sure the rest of the band is still alive. So of course I just looked it up, not the drummer. I guess that explains why I can’t even remember her name?