Tag: Kristen Bell

I am pretty sure I heard about Hit and Run first from Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell. Do you know them? They have been a couple for a few years, since they met on When In Rome. Both very delightful people that make me laugh. Well they wanted to do a movie together, damn it, where they can be in love on screen too!

Fun, face punching, bloody love.

Annie (Bell) and Charles Bronson (Shepard) are living in the middle of no where California. They have been dating for a year, but they really do love each other so much. Heck, Annie has a PhD in Conflict Resolution. What? Yeah. But she is teaching dumb sociology because she can’t run her own program anywhere. Until now. Her boss (Kristin Chenoweth) has to make some cuts to the department, and she is too awesome for them. Luckily, she set her up with an interview at UCLA, to run her own program there and have a real job with real monies!

The only problem is the city. LA. Turns out Mr. Bronson is in the witness protection program, and yes, he is from LA. That is literally the worst possible city to have the job at.

But he doesn’t care. Screw it, he will drive her to the interview himself. It has been four years for him, it shouldn’t matter at this point. She knows he is in witness protection, so even if his secrets come up, she should accept it right? Nope. Not if he used to be the getaway driver for his bank robbing friends (Bradley Cooper, Joy Bryant, Ryan Hansen).

Unfortunately during this routine trip to LA for an interview, Annie’s ex boyfriend (Michael Rosenbaum) gets a bit jealous, always has been, and actually figures out his real identity through his cop brother (Jess Rowland) checking up his old car’s plates. So course he contacts his old buddies, who he ratted out and are now free (technicalities), causing a race to LA with lots of guns and crazy chase scenes. Not to mention the Marshall assigned to check in on Charles (Tom Arnold) going along for the ride as well.

Oh no, looks like the find them and have an uncomfortable sex talk scene!

Hooo boy. This movie ended up actually having a lot more car driving chase scenes than I thought. Nothing to the level of Fast and the Furious craziness, of course. No, those people use NAS and stuff. Just straight up old school racing is what it felt like, with a soundtrack to match. They were thankfully exciting.

I also need to give a lot of props to Tom Arnold, he hasn’t been doing as well on the humor, being mostly a spaz in all of his recent roles. Well, it is true for this one too, but it works really well for once.

I was annoyed every once in awhile, I thought Bell’s character didn’t make that much sense, based off of her background. I don’t think anyone would actually assume someone was lying to them by not telling them about their witness protection circumstances. Probably laws about that stuff! But I found it pretty funny, with some nice chase scenes. Some over the top, unbelievable characters too. The ending wasn’t my favorite, just felt a bit weird. But hey, most of it was awesome!

Big Miracle? Some whale movie?

Originally I wasn’t going to watch Big Miracle, but then I remembered I watch everything. “Oh yeah! Might as well watch it asap then,” I thinks to myself.2

This is the best intro I have wrote for a movie.

Bitches love whales?

Based off of actual events in the 80s (and thus I don’t know about it), this takes place in a very Northern Alaskan village. Yes, that means Eskimos. For whatever reason, Adam Carlson (John Krasinski) is a reporter in their town reporting on random shit, for the main Alaskan news. People love him there, overall nice guy. He finds one extra report before leaving though, thinking people will love it. Turns out three California Gray Whales are trapped under the ice! The vast water froze quicker this winter, and three whales are sharing a small hole, miles away from the ocean to breath from. Damn, that is sad.

This story gets LOTS of attention. Wildfire amounts. The director of Greenpeace Rachel Kramer (Drew Barrymore) is already around protesting the selling of territory for oil, and of course the guy who bought the land for Oil (Ted Danson). Also tons of media shows up, including Jill Jerard (Kristen Bell) who is willing to take any story to get a leg up. The head reporter at their department (John Michael Higgins) thinks it is silly though.

Fuck, even the government gets involved! Cold War is still looming, and the government gets a Russian ship nearby, made for cracking ice to help. Because they have no idea how to help these things. Initial tries are failing. Even bring in some boys from Minnesota with ice melting technology meant for rinks to try and speed up the process. Eventually they get the only idea that might work. To constantly make holes in the ice a few meters apart, big enough for the whales to come up for breath, and lead them to the ocean, hoping that they follow said holes.

Sounds crazy? Well because it is. All the locals and news reporters end up helping, including Tim Blake Nelson playing some guy from Alaska! The main kid in the movie is played by Ahmaogak Sweeney, as they had a lot of real locals play the appropriate parts. But will the Whales follow? Will the Russians save the day? Will anyone die along the way!?

Hopefully none of them decide to jump on the ice. That would suck.

So, in terms of Family movies involving saving animals, this one is actually quite refreshing. True stories can be annoying like in Dolphin Tale, where the just poop on everything that matters and give a random inspirational tale nothing like the real events. But this stuff seems to be a bit more spot on.

First off, the main kid in the movie isn’t even the main character? Everyone seems to play an important role, and it isn’t from a kids point of view, like most “family movies”. That is cool.

Secondly, the oil people arent the bad guys. Literally everyone helps out in this movie. And people don’t even need convincing, all sides actively work together and want to save the whales. Sure, some also enjoy the positive PR, but damn it, there is no one stopping them and reluctantly letting it happen. No, it just happens.

I will note I found it weird that everyone seemed to be against letting the locals kill the whales for meat. Kind of rude. Their logic was sound, and would supply them food for quite awhile. Oh well, we love guilting other cultures into living like us.

But yeah, this touching story actually was a good watch, with mostly believable characters. Had some normal family jokes you would have guessed, but overall was pretty decent.

BONUS TEXT!

I wrote this review in June, 2012, the summer before I moved to Iowa. I lived in North Carolina at the time, and Blockbuster I worked at was already closed. So I had even more free time for films, and watched anything I could.

In Iowa, I met my now wife in the summer of 2013. Days after I met her she had to fly out to Alaska to go to the funeral for her uncle, Randy Roosdett. Why is any of this relevant? Well, he apparently was an extra in this film as an oil man. And that is kind of neat.

When I saw the cover of Serious Moonlight I thought it looked like a dumb Romantic Comedy. I mean, it really had nothing going for it. I clearly didn’t look too closely, or else I would have noticed something very amiss.

Regardless, the reason I originally picked this movie to watch is because I liked the secondary actors more than the main ones. Dont worry, if they werent in the movie, I would have probably still watched this movie, but more likely months from now instead of right now. I get to have some control over what I watch!

You readers are smart. You can probably figure out the amiss part. I totally missed it.

Timothy Hutton is the main guy and he in his house, with tons of flowers and leading a path of rose petals to the bedroom. His wife, Meg Ryan, will be there tomorrow from a business trip, and he wants to surprise her. With a note. Telling her that he is leaving her, to go to Paris, and to feed his fish. Damn. But in the middle of the note, she returns home early, and he is like…shit.

She quickly becomes sad at the news, and demands that he stay put so they can talk about this and work it out, but he refuses. He doesn’t care. So she gets mad and throws one of the vases at him knocking him out. Whoops. He then wakes up and he is duct tapped, very solidly, to a chair, with Meg Ryan vowing to win him back and will convince him to stay home.

Holy shit Meg Ryan is crazy in this movie. But you already figured that out. Turns out he was seeing someone else, a much younger woman, Kristen Bell. (Good choice, sir). Well. Eventually more shenanigans happen, and he is transferred to being duct taped to the toilet (this way he can pee. Problem solved). But when Justin Long eventually comes to the house to mow the lawn, seeing the vulnerable position they are in, he decides he is going to rob the place. Knocks out Meg Ryan, and ties her up too, while making the house his own.

Oh man!

Really, the toilet thing is just a smart idea.

So, the best people in the movie ended up being the main two stars. I knew Kristen Bell and Justin Long’s roles wouldn’t be as big, but man, Meg and Timothy really took the cake. They felt so believable as a couple that was on its last ropes, their conversations with each other felt so real.

The movie has problems though. I figured I knew how it would end about halfway through, taking away some suspense. And if they get back together, I can’t help but think it won’t last long. After all, the guy really hated their marriage, and it seemed like unfixable problems at that point, so I feel like they will just pop back up again later, making him miserable. Or at least more sneaky if he decides to leave again.

Look at this movie. Burlesque? How does it not scream out “hey everyone, we have scantly clad chicks that will make you all enjoy me!” Well I didn’t.

“Enjoy me right this instant, damn it!”

The movie begins with Christina Aguilera being a small town girl who just likes to sing. She hates her life, and isn’t getting paid, so she suddenly she rushes off to Los Angeles to look for a singing job. But she fails. And she then walks into Cher‘s Burlesque club, seeing a bunch of scantly clad women dancing to Cher singing. SHe wants in. Doesn’t get a job. So she just begins waitressing there for free, to get them to notice her.

Christina A has that “can do” attitude! She also ends up moving in with the bartender, Cam Gigadet, because her money was stolen and she feels unsafe. Sure, he has a girlfriend, but theres no way having a girl live there can be a problem.

Oh yeah. Kristen Bell is the star of the show, but the only actual singer is Cher. They just dance and lip sync to already made songs. Why? Because Cher demands it. Doesn’t matter if Kristen Bell can sing too. She wont let her. So eventually Christina gets a job, and thanks to Kristen sabotage, Christina ends up singing a song instead of lip syncing. People love it. She becomes a star.

This is good. Because Cher is about to lose her club and blah blah blah. Profit. People changing. Love triangles. Women fights. Jealousy. Lessons learned. End movie.

Now, my problem with this movie is (besides the story being not too original) is that I feel like the movie was actually made just to be a showboat for Christina Aguilera. Since she sings all the songs but like, two (Cher gets those) it is just a movie about how good she can sing. And that is annoying.

When I saw the cast, and heard it was musical, I assume I wasn’t just going to get a Christina concert. Because of how the plot goes, no one else was supposed to get to sing. But damn it, I was expecting a Kristen Bell song or two, and so was she I bet. She was also the star of the show in my book.

Wait. You’re telling me the fact that she was always drunk was a PROBLEM?

Stanley Tucci is also in this as “stage manager dude” and most definitely the best role. Everything else is a formulaic blah set to Christina and Cher acting like they are the best singers ever.

Surprisingly, this chick flick / comedy thing is only rated PG. Just seems weird to see.

You Again tells the story of Kristen Bell, having a shitty time in high school and moving away to become successful. Unfortunately, after she gets a sexy new promotion, loses the glasses and acne, and is less of a nerd, she goes back home to find her brother about to marry…her high school nemesis! Oh noes! But has she changed? Why doesn’t she remember her?

How could she forget such a face?

So cue a movie of hilarity of seeing if people change, if its right to bring up the bad past of a changed person, and other high school dramatics. Jamie Lee Curtis is the mother of Bell, and Sigourney Weaver the aunt of the nemesis. Turns out those two also had a high school falling out. You again!

Overall, the movie is pretty predictable. I enjoyed it for what it was for the most part. I would have given it a solid 2 out of 4. That’s a passing grade folks. But the ending. Oh did I hate the ending. The bully was a bully to Bell all of high school, and ten years later she is still a bully to her. She has different reasons, but she maintains the bully thing despite claiming change. She only apologizes and changes once everything goes to shit. Once she has lost it all.

So at the end (spoilers) she still gets the marriage and everyone is happy. Fuck that. You don’t deserve that shit. That is just her getting to have a worryfree life, except for that one moment. She may even be a cyborg.

There is no basis for me to call her a cyborg or to use this picture.

There are other smaller cameo roles here, such as Betty White, Victor Garber, and Kristin Chenoweth. Also, crazed ex played by Kyle Bornheimer was great. But overall, that ending made it bad.