Tag: Chloe Grace Moretz

Heyyyy, family movie based off of kids books. I see you. Diary Of A Wimpy Kid I actually saw a few years ago. I saw it for like, $3 or something, and said why not. It could be interesting. Kids movies aren’t ALWAYS bad. But the potential is high.

Either way, this shit has been blowing up. A movie a year, with the same cast. Kind of like the new much faster Harry Potter. Watch out JK Rowling!

Ah I get it. It was a book, so it takes book drawings and makes them into people. HOW CLEVER MOVIE. I mean, who cares~

Greg (Zachary Gordon) is an 11 year old kid, about to go to middle school, and is pretty wimpy. What does that mean in this context? Eh, he just sucks at being social and telling people his true feelings mostly. Thankfully he has a journal he gets to write in, where he can vent his shit and whine all day long. If only people could read his mind.

Well poor Greg wants to be popular when he goes to middle school, so he is prepped. But his best friend Rowley (Robert Capron) is a total lameo, and uncool. Having him as a friend might drag him down! So maybe he can make him cool by default, or at least hope that his uncoolness wont rub off on him.

Greg quickly meets a girl who works on the school paper (Chloe Grace Moretz) who might have the hots for him, but because she is different, that makes her not cool. WHAT THE HELL GREG. So instead Greg tries to become popular his own way, and fails over and over again. In fact, Rowley becomes more popular than Greg could ever try. Too bad Greg is such a jerk face. Oh well, hopefully the curse of the stinky cheese doesn’t do anything in this movie.

Lots of other players in this movie too, such as his parents (Rachael Harris and Steve Zahn), older brother (Devon Bostick), and younger brother (Connor Fielding). He also has some ‘friends’ (Karan Brar, Grayson Russell), and not to mention mean old Patti (Laine MacNeil).

Patti is a mean wrestler. Didn’t you know? She will kick your dick, without remorse.

So this book series is actually an interesting one. They kind of make the main character a jerk, and actually make it hard to sympathize with him. I mean, sympathy is possible, since he is only a kid, but it is definitely hard. Sure he just wants to be liked, but he is an egotistical fucker who is willing to stomp over his friends. Very fucked up, Greg. Thus the wimpy ness I guess.

The kid who played Rowley was pretty entertaining though. Technically the only aspect I found entertaining. Kid might go far, be the next funny fat guy. Watch out, in like, 10 years or whatever. And in 15 he will be coked out of his mind, but we can always remember the good times.

But other than, a very simple story, and not much really happens besides a kids quest to be cool, and you know, failing. I can’t wait to watch the rest…err.

Dark Shadows!…Did anyone go see this film in theaters? I mean really? I don’t think I heard a single person thinking “Yes! Time to watch a remake of a 60s Soap Opera!”

Not saying that it was a bad decision to turn Dark Shadows into a movie. First off, I’ve actually seen that show. Like, maybe up to 20 episodes. Who cares if it has over a thousand? Shut up. It was eerie when I was a kid. Secondly, 21 Jump Street just happened. It was a movie version of an older TV show, changed the genre, and was awesome. So why not Dark Shadows?

Oh yeah. Erm.

The Collins family moved to New England from Britain way back in the 1700s, and pretty much founded their own town with their richness, Collinsport. Port, yes, because they do fishing business and continued to grow their fortune. Their son, Barnabus (Johnny Depp) was falling in love with a maid, Angelique Bouchard (Eva Green), but the parents would not allow it. Then the parents were killed. Whoops. Turns out Angelique is a witch, and got pissed off. Didn’t stop Barnabus from falling in love with another woman, who ended up killing herself under a curse. Barnabus tries to kill himself, but whoops, he’s now a vampire because Angelique is a mean mean person, and then becomes imprisoned for the next 200 years.

Hey look, the 1970s. Collinsport is now barely Collins owned territory. The house in shambles, the fortune all mostly gone and shit. Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer) is now the head of the house, and has a 15 year old daughter Carolyn (Chloe Grace Moretz). Elizabeth’s brother Roger (Jonny Lee Miller) is an asshole, single father after the wife drowned, with a younger son David (Guilliver McGrath). He is kind of messed up, so they have a psychiatrist there, Dr. Julia Hoffman (Helan Bonham Carter). Oh yeah, also a housekeeper Willie (Jackie Earle Haley) who has to work too hard for one guy.

Either way, they need a governess for David, and mysterious Victoria Winters (Bella Heathcote) answers the call.

BUT WHO CARES, BARNABUS RETURNS. Joins the family, wants to get their business back up, restore the name, and woo Victoria. But witches. And he is a vampire. Oh man, shenanigans.

Dem eyes.

So, from what I can tell, this movie is a lot like the show in many ways. No one really cared about the show too much until Barnabus joined the cast, like 200 episodes in, then it became a huge hit. So much like the show, Victoria was the main character early on, after all the back story, until Barnabus came back, and then she only had a few scenes. With Barnabus, and not too many lines. Bugged me.

Overall, I found the entire movie to be too ridiculous, so maybe that is keeping itself true to its soap opera roots? But found it hard to get in to. It really didn’t feel like Dark Shadows, due to its attempt to be a big comedy. I almost think this would have been better received if it tried again to be its own story that had nothing to do with Dark Shadows characters/names/pseudo-plots.

I thought Helena was aweful in the film, and Jonny Lee Miller was pointless as well. My favorite casting choice was probably Haley as the groundskeeper, he did make me laugh.

But overall, this just didn’t feel entertaining to me, and felt like every other recent Burton/Depp movie.

Let Me In is the American Remake of Let The Right One In, a highly rated Swedish movie. I do own Let The Right One In, on Blu-Ray, just haven’t seen it yet. I kept putting it off for no reason, and meant to review/watch it before the American version, but at this point, the American version had to come now with my opening to watch it closing.

But if Hank Hill has anything to say on the matter, he’d say if a foreign film was any good, they’d remake it for America. While kind of an insult, it is kind of also a compliment. So I expected good things with this movie.

Good, probably creepy, things with this movie.

Owen (Kodi Smit-McPhee) is a small young, probably Minnesotan boy. I am guessing the state, but there is snow a lot, and these guys go out to play hockey on a lake once, and Minnesota has a lot of lakes. He is weirder, so he gets picked on by the bullies at school, lead by Kenny (Dylan Minnette). His parents are also getting divorced, so he pretty much only lives with his mom.

Then, one night, a girl, Abby (Chloe Grace Moretz) and her dad (Richard Jenkins) move in next door. Abby tells him they cannot be friends, but they do so anyway. Even talking in Morse code through the walls. The bully problem is getting worse, so she tells him to defend himself and she will help. He ends up fighting back, with a quick swing, and manages to slice Kenny’s ear open…right at the same time a body is found under the ice!

If you didn’t know, Abby and her dad are vampires. The dad character tends to go out and feed and bring back blood for Abby. When one encounter goes wrong, the dad is left badly burned and in the hospital, with the detective (Elias Koteas) very confused and suspicious of everyone. Eventually the little girl.

The ending of the movie includes Owen trying to finally, maybe, overcome the bullies, the realization of vampire-ness, escaping the detective and more. I kind of want to spoil stuff, but wont this time.

Vampires be crazy.

This (remake of a foreign movie) was so very good! It was deep and felt heartfelt the whole time. Kind of a slow paced movie, it is also equally about bullying as it is about vampires, I’d like to think. And yet everyone does so good. Owen was also the little kid in The Road, so he knows a thing or two about being in horrifying situations and not freaking the heck out.

Chloe also did a great job. Despite the fact that their characters were “going steady” eventually in the movie, and that vampires are usually all about sex, I never felt like a creepy “oh god, pedophilia?? (or necro)” thought in my head, even in one “bed” scene. Mad about quotation marks yet? Too bad. It all felt more like child curiosity, even though Abby is a lot older than Owen.

It also didn’t try to change vampire mythos. All of it seems to be based on the facts we knew growing up, which is all everyone wants. Most new vampire movies try to change them. But in this movie, sunlight is bad, holy water is bad, need blood, can’t go into residence without being invited (thus the title), and etc. Since that stuff doesn’t have to be explained, the movie can just be enjoyed and felt. Pretty much, this is like Flipped, but less for kids.

Hugo won the award this year for “Most Nominations at the Oscars”. Fuck you, its a thing. They only won 5 of the 11 though, and all for the unimportant things like Sound Editing and Sound Mixing (This is where the Sound Editor and Sound Mixing people tell me to eat a bag of dicks, and then storm off into the night).

Which is surprising. Usually that movie that has the most nominations seems to be a shoe-in for winning Best Picture. But it didn’t. But why? Here’s what I think.

The people who choose who wins are not children. Just kidding. Its true, but thats not why. CALM DOWN READER.

Story is a weird one to describe (That’s why!) so here is an attempt. Hugo (Asa Butterfield) is an orphan boy who lives in a train station in France. His father was a clock maker, made him love movies and such, then died in a museum fire. He was taken in by his uncle, a lame watch maker, and taught to run to the clocks in the station / main bell tower, and then the uncle disappeared. So now on his own, he has decided to live in the train station in secret, work the clocks, and fend for himself.

There is also an automaton/music box thing that he believes belonged to his dad, so he is trying to repair it by stealing knickknacks and repairing parts. Some people don’t like that, mainly the chief inspector of the railway (Sacha Baron Cohen) who hurt his leg in “the war” and Georges Méliès (Ben Kingsley) a toy shop owner. He also meets a girl who likes books, Isabelle (Chloe Grace Moretz) who is (Gasp!) the granddaughter of the mean toy shop owner. Boo!

I feel like I am giving away too much if I go further, although you still don’t know what it is about. This movie is about…movies, the birth of them. The first movies were all short, but one French dude made all these amazing sci-fi/fantasy epics, for the time. The stories were weak but they were imaginative at least, and had “magic trick” illusions thanks to nice editing. Some were even partially colored, thanks to painting the actual strips.

But most of these movies were lost thanks to the war, needing money and selling the strips for cash. Damn.

Also kind of based on the true story of the film guy, and his actual work is shown in the movie too. Emily Mortimer and Christopher Lee also have some small roles in the film too (small to me).

I’m saying the dog and the mustache were more important overall. In my eyes.

What’s good about this movie? A lot! This is like a fantastical world created from this movie, based off of a book. Which is based off of kind of true events. Minus the boy and stuff. But still. It looks amazing, if not also kind of fake at parts unfortunately. Acting was good, and by the end it felt like a great journey.

I think the problem people might have with it is figuring out what the movie is just about. An hour into it, you still really won’t know. It is hard to explain, because it takes awhile to get to the actual essence of the film. While watching I had to guess where it was going. My guesses were wrong because the clues given didn’t help at all.

So maybe direction could have been a bit better in my mind. And honestly, I felt bad for the Inspector from the first scene. He was supposed to be some mean guy, but never really showed off as that until later.

Sometimes movie titles like to lie to you. Sometimes they just note a cheesy line said in the movie. And sometimes they just describe the movie. Kick-Ass happens to be the third option (okay, the second one too. But still)

It is a good strategy too. Movies should just come out with titles like EXHILARATING and BEST MOVIE EVER.

I know you won’t believe me, but I assure you this scene is not a weird sex scene.

Aaron Johnson is just a nerdy kid. Women, like Lyndsy Fonseca, ignore him. He loves comics, but you knew that already because I said he was a nerdy kid. He thinks it is impossible that no one has ever tried to be a superhero, based on probability alone. So he buys a scuba outfit, modifies it a bit, and begins to walk the night! Then he gets stabbed. And hit by a car. Super hero-ing is hard stuff guys. Thankfully in his main painful months of recovery and post surgery, a whole bunch of metal plates are put into his body, so his ability to feel pain has greatly reduced. People also think he is cool now, cause they think he is gay.

OH WELL. BACK TO THE STREETS WHERE KICK-ASS CAN FIGHT CRIME MAYBE A BIT BETTER NOW!

Or just like, you know, in his room with some sticks.

At the same time we have Nicholas Cage (Big Daddy) and Chloe Grace Moretz (Hit Girl) are trying to take down a drug lord (Mark Strong) because he both killed their wife/mother, and got Cage wrongfully imprisoned as a cop because he wouldn’t go on his payroll. Pretty small world right? Big Daddy trained his girl from a young age to make her a fighting machine, great with weapons and guns and the ability to not freak out in a tense situation.

Anyone I miss? Oh yeah. Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Red Mist, the son of the crime lord, yet also nerdy super hero. But is he good or bad?

To me, this movie is fan-freaking-tastic. I laughed a lot and thought all of the action scenes were well done. I felt most of the basic emotions too while watching the film. In the “Kick-Ass unmasked” scene, when Big Daddy is yelling out different tactical commands to his daughter, despite his own excrutiating pain, just to save her. I was almost crying at that scene. In his first big moment, when Kick-Ass is explaining why he is not giving up, it is a very powerful and believable moment.

Not to mention right after this scene was a big costumed underage orgy.

I normally don’t compare things to their original books, but I think the movie is better than the graphic novel. In the graphic novel, a few more people end up dying. Also, certain characters reasonings for their actions turn out to be lies. And yeah. It is just more depressing and lamer. Stick with the movie, and have a fantastic time.