I Am Santa Claus

Ho Ho Ho, bitches! Let’s talk about Santa.

Now, I am partially responsible for the well being and care of two children, currently 5 and 3. And the idea of Santa was tossed around, but me and my wife agreed to not do Santa with them. We don’t like it. I personally don’t care about the spirit of Christmas, and I also don’t like lying (to kids). I see no harm in saying that Christmas is about helping the economy, giving people you love, like or adequately appreciate gifts, and partying near the end of the year. Just had to equate Santa to being a cartoon character and it made sense.

Making it so that they don’t run through kindergarten screaming it is the harder aspect.

But hey, Santa is still cool in my book. Just not going to let some fictional asshole take credit for presents I purchased. And since Christmas was on a Documentary day for my website, I would have preferred to review Saving Christmas. However, I don’t want to give Kirk Cameron any of my money, and I already got duped once paying for a terrible documentary with America: Imagine The World Without Her.

Instead, I found I Am Santa Claus, a documentary from this year, about people who dress up like Santa during the season, and how they act the rest of the year.

We got a lot of variety too. We have a Real Estate Santa, a gay “bear” Texas Santa, a sprinkler salesman who changes his name to Santa Claus, and an unemployed Santa who is hoping for another Santa gig to move into a trailer and out of a basement.

And we also have Mick Foley.

College can literally get you anywhere in life.

That’s right, famous ex-Wrestler Mankind. He really loves Christmas and wants to play Santa for real, not Mick Foley in a Santa costume. So we see him on a quest to learn about how to be a great Santa, get his costume, his hair dyed, the whole works. And you know, give kids the spirit of Christmas or some shit.

But his story isn’t the best. No, the most interesting story is of the unemployed Santa, waiting for weeks to see if he can get his job offer to see if he can afford to move out on his own again. His story has emotions. Two of the four Santas are completely forgettable after the fact. I also did like the concern over a Santa who is a President of the Fraternity Of Real Bearded Santas (FORBS), who apparently opened a swingers bar and practices as well. This made some Santas uncomfortable. The small amount of debate over who should be playing Santa, based on religious backgrounds, gender, or bedroom practices was interesting, but I thought it could have been showcased way better.

So, one Santa story is super interesting. A small debate is interesting. Another Santa and Foley are okay stories. And two I don’t remember a lot about. That turned a potentially awesome Santa documentary into an average one. Oh well. Let’s all go open presents now!