Category: Uncategorized

This is a very important issue to talk about. Did you know that packs of stray wild dogs control most of the cities in North America? It’s true, I saw it in a PSA.

But in Istanbul, there are also lots of stray dogs. And cats. You may have known about the cats, thanks to the documentary Kedi from 2016. It was just about some stray cats, doing cat things in Istanbul and observing their world as we observed them. People loved it. I didn’t review it. I watched it, and I might have liked it? I honestly don’t know. I definitely liked the idea of it.

So why am I talking about dogs? Because the movie Stray is coming out now, five years later. It is about…dogs! In Turkey! Same deal! Just three of them though, as they wander and we over hear other people and just see how they hang out and do dog things. I hope none of them get in trouble during the filming of this documentary.

How could they get in trouble when they are all good boys? 

So what’s life like for three little Doggo’s in the middle east? Since there are laws protecting them, not much. No dog catchers to ruin their days like so many American films. Just living their best live, with fleas, and dog bros, and food where they can find it.

Despite a 70 minute run time, I still found myself quite bored with the whole thing. And maybe that is all on me. The documentary is definitely about what it said it would be about. It also has some random quotes about dogs throughout, and subtitles so we can also overhear some  conversations.

My problem is that they apparently filmed the dogs over a two year period. But if this is the best material they got after two years, I am just shocked. If they are going for an average day look at their lives, they should only spend a day and give it to us straight, not edited to look normal. It just….it lacks a purpose for me. I don’t get anything out of it. I don’t think I understand more about the world around me, or about human nature at all.

Instead it just fleeting images of the lives of stray dogs in a country I have never been. And again, that is exactly what was advertised, but I still find myself surprised at the results. You might like it for a hardcore chill film. But if you don’t want to chill, and are hoping for anything more, you will find yourself disappointed like me.

1 out of 4.

I know we have had an influx of “sequels a decade or two later” over the last few years, really starting with Dumb and Dumber To, but this one I think has to be the longest gap in the trend?

Coming to America graced our lives with humor and witticism in 1988, before a young Gorgon Reviewer could even be born. And now, 33 years later, its sequel is ready to go (although sure, it meant to come out last year).

Now this one is a much bigger sequel than the others because it had a much bigger original cast that was important to the story, and hell, everyone if they are alive that matters to the story is returning. So it has that going for it. I will say however I hate that they did call it Coming 2 America, because in real life it is impossible to say the difference without hand gestures or extra words, but in text life I guess it is fine.

Can they bring back the previous rains of Africa with this film? Will it matter in today’s world?

60% of the time it is good to be the king, all the time. And we are back to Zamunda, where decades ago a young Prince Akeem Joffer (Eddie Murphy) returned with his bride (Shari Headley) from Queens, New York.  He has since fathered three girls, and his oldest, Meeka (KiKi Layne) is a wonderful and powerful woman, but the Zamunda laws require a male heir. Akeem is worried about that, given the imminent death of his father (James Earl Jones) and fully taking over the King hood.

The problem is, Nextdoria is now being run by a powerful and charismatic ruler, General Izzi (Wesley Snipes) who wants to marry his son into the royal line. But Akeem believes in true love! And if he says no, Izzi might kill him and take over!

Well, according to his good friend Semmi (Arsenio Hall), one night in Queens long ago, he tried to hook up Akeem with a bride right away! Akeem does not remember this situation due to drugs. Well, sure enough she (Leslie Jones) had a baby, who is an adult male (Jermaine Fowler) and might be the answer to his countries woes! Especially if he will agree to marry Izzi’s daughter.

Also starring basically everyone, including many from the original cast, if they were still alive: John Amos, Louie Anderson, Vanessa Bell Calloway, Clint Smith, Paul Bates, Nomzamo Mbatha, Bella Murphy, Akiley Love, Rotimi, Teyana Taylor, and Tracy Morgan.

Nextdoria got mighty prosperous and powerful in a few decades. Out of sequels a few decades later, I think Coming 2 America has to be considered the best to try it, because it really did deliver. Whether it is as funny as the original or will be seen as timeless as the original that is hard to say, but it is still clearly filled with the same heart and soul (glow) that made the first one work. It isn’t just references to the last movie (of which there is quite a few) or meta jokes about sequels (in which there is one). It is a continuation of a story and a reflection over the decades, asking our characters to better themselves and fulfill promises they claimed they would give us.

I laughed out loud several times, and I was watching it alone by myself, so that says a few things. My favorite new character was General Izzi. He came in and commanded the screen like a real life, slightly more aggressive Prince Ali. They brought the music in and the dances and it was a sight to behold. It is amusing that just two years ago we were noting how strange it was that Wesley Snipes and Eddie Murphy had never been in a movie together with Dolemite Is My Name, and we all realized that chemistry worked and needed to be expanded.

All of the classic character return and give us growth and familiarity. Big shout out also to Paul Bates as Oha with a surprising vocal range.

It is also full of musical guests to increase the nostalgia factor, each one surprised me and added to the extravagance. The last one had me in stitches though near the end, that is for certain.

Coming 2 America is funny and familiar and fits like an old glove (assuming you didn’t gain the Pandemic 50). I was doubtful it would work given all of the ones that failed before it, and damn was I wrong. The bar is now set very high for the next old late sequel, which I think is Sister Act 3. But the first two Sister Acts weren’t as good as Coming to America, so it might already be a losing battle.

3 out of 4.

Chaos Walking is obviously not the only movie to be delayed recently, but it is notable that it was delayed before the Pandemic! It finished shooting in late 2017, but they announced it needed reshoots in mid 2018 due to people hating it, and they had to wait a whole year to do reshoots, thanks to the leads being in major franchises and having full schedules.

Then it was delayed March 2020, and you know the rest there.

It turns out this is based on a book, The Knife of Never Letting Go, in the Chaos Walking trilogy. I really like that title though. It reminds me of Never Let Me Go. And it puts the future of this trilogy into question. Too many YA novels have an issue where the trilogy name is used for the first book, meaning future books/films have awkward naming conventions. And for this, they used the trilogy name instead of the book name.

Huh. Interesting. Okay. Well, future movie’s will worry about that issue then, if they get any.

Okay, this is Chaos Running actually.

Todd (Tom Holland) is just a kid living a world that has gotten pretty fucked over. First of all, no women! Boooo. Second of all, only men! Boooo!

Now this world isn’t our world, it is New World. And at some point a virus came and killed everyone on it called The Noise. The Noise was fatal to women, and for men it just made it so their inner thoughts were all audible to those around them, and creating a visible cloud around their head. Also there is some alien stuff.

Todd is set to being a new warrior or scout or whatever, as he gets older and learns to better control his thoughts. But then he discovers a crash landing on his planet and finds, a girl?! Viola (Daisy Ridley) and a crew crashed down, not good, but she is the only survivor, and they have no clue about this Noise stuff.

And a few plot shenanigans later, Todd and Viola are on the run from his city, who want to capture the girl, and look up settlements that are rumored to exist, even though Todd thought he was in the only real community left in the world.

Also starring Demián Bichir, David Oyelowo, Kurt Sutter, Cynthia Erivo, Mads Mikkelsen, Nick Jonas, and Bethany Anne Lind.

No, he is not thinking of the movie The Color Purple. 

Jeez, I wonder what they changes with this version versus their initial version? I hope it wasn’t adding in MORE ACTION because honestly, that was one of their weaker points. The action, and fighting, especially near the end. I was a much bigger fan of the drama and suspense before that. You can have a big fight between communities without needing to bog us down in the fighting.

I am not anti violence, it just felt like a lot more at the end versus any point earlier, even if the threat was already there. I was more curious about the mystery, and the aliens, and the virus, all of that, and it just never delved enough for me.

The acting is fine, but for a movie with stars like that, this is not good enough.  I do think Bachir probably did the best of the bunch, but he was also limited in his role.

This is supposed to be a fantastic book and trilogy, and honestly at this point, I can’t see how the book would be good for me. I feel like the movie not really being great, while also telling me about the secrets (unless they are different) would ruin the appeal of the book and I have no reason at all to seek it out. I certainly don’t read everything, and I try not to read things before movie adaptations, but I do get quite annoyed when a movie takes away my desire to ever read the story.

A potentially riveting plot line that is ruined with mediocrity and forgettableness.

1 out of 4.

Is is both very easy to make a sports movie, but very hard to make an excellent sports movie.

There are so many ways you can go with them, but many paths have already been traveled. How do you also make them feel unique and worth it versus an older film that probably goes over the exact same themes and emotions?

You could do a sports movie about a real athlete or a real team. But is it about their road to a championship, or the players themselves? And what is just another real story of a team winning something. Real teams win every year, every sport, at every level. There has to be a winner, so there are always choices. And it is easy to be inspirational in these films, real story or fake story, so what can they do to offer something actually new? Bigger struggles to overcome? Bigger comebacks? More shenanigans? 

Well for the movie Boogie, it is going for a high school basketball story. Not one about overcoming all the odds to win the state championship, or even a district championship. But just a single player trying to earn a scholarship. Where his own cultural upbringings and his own assimilation into the America he knows can come at odds with what he wants and what his parents want. Oh okay, that is something new for sure. 

The shot on the other side of the fence is not new, however. 

If you are losing a basketball game to a proud Asian American who happens to also be super into Rap culture, then don’t try to blame it on other external factors. Don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame it on the good times, you need to blame it on the Boogie (Taylor Takahashi).

Boogie is working on getting a college scholarship. He is great at the sport, but he is a bit selfish and full of himself. His father (Perry Yung) cooked up a scheme to transfer him to a slightly worse school for basketball. Because that school goes against some really good schools, and if Boogie can carry his worse team to beat actual good teams and elite players getting scholarships, he might get one too.

Technically his mom (Pamelyn Chee) is indifferent from the methods, she just needs to make sure that he gets a scholarship, and not a bullshit walk on offer. Or maybe gets a job making money in basketball. Either way, whatever needs to happen needs to happen. 

Boogie is trying to balance what both of his parents want for him. They both are negative people in different ways, yet he was also raised to be honorable and listen to them. He also wants to explore his love life, make some choices for himself, and prove that he is something great. 

A clash between cultural norms, in a new cultural setting, and just trying to make sure Boogie himself is able to represent himself.

Also starring Mike Moh, Taylour Paige, Domenick Lombardozzi, Jorge Lendeborg Jr., and Pop Smoke in his only acting gig, coming out after his shooting death in 2020. 

I prefer the Blame it on the Boogie from Pitch Perfect, to be honest.

The director and writer of Boogie, Eddie Huang, is pretty famous for writing a book and turning it into a successful sitcom. Fresh off the Boat is a sitcom based on his own experiences of moving to the south, while dealing with cultural problems in a new setting that also seem to go against the cultures and upbringings of his family, set in the late 1990’s.

And hey look, this movie, NOT based on his life specifically, has the same themes. Isn’t that interesting? No? Well, I found it interesting.

And I found this film extremely interesting and compelling. Despite personally having really nothing similar to the lead in terms of background or story, it was easy to latch on and root for him. It was also easy to be angry at him when he did asinine things. I wanted him to succeed and I wanted him to grow. This sports movie is about a person learning to be better and making his own destiny, and yes, we got some sports along the way as well. If you don’t like basketball, you will be annoyed because we do get fair amounts of basketball, and of course a conclusion that is set around basketball.

I feel like I learned a lot. Representation matters, not just for people finally being able to identify with people on screen that look like them, but for everyone else to dive into new experiences and settings. Sure, Boogie isn’t a real story, but aspects of it are real based on Huang’s own life and the stories of people he know. The fact that there isn’t this specific basketball player means nothing when the stories are grounded so much in reality.

Hell, I even cried once. It was a small cry and an unexpected one, but it was there.

Boogie is the real deal and a good change of pace from traditional sports films.

4 out of 4.

I hope this movie is something seen by all. I hope it remains in the conversation for decades to come. I hope people refer back to it with quotes and references and we remember its name.

Why do I care so strongly about this film? Just because of the title. It is a bit awkward. I Care A Lot. Oh okay.

But the awkwardness is fine. Because it has the words “a lot” in it, and maybe, maybe, if people see this movie and write it out and get it in their brain, they will stop trying to create the “alot” creature from hyperbole and a half.

One of those pet peeves is all.

“I’ve heard of ‘Binders of Women’ before, but this is ridiculous!” 

Getting old can be hard. Your brain can leave you behind, your memories can fade, you can become violent and really needy, but if you have no one to help you, what are you supposed to do? You kids, if you have them, might be able to take care of you. Or they may be too busy. You might get put in a home, but your kids may be too busy to handle your affairs, your doctors, and all of that.

So sometimes, you will get a court appointed guardian who will legally serve your best interests. These interests sometimes go against the interests of your family, but maybe that family might be trying to milk you dry and increase their inheritance? An unbiased third party is often useful.

Now if the unbiased third party is ALSO trying to scam you, then there is a problem.

Meet Marla Grayson (Rosamund Pike). She is that person trying to scam you. She knows the doctors, the judges, and is often trying to get appointed to people she can legally milk dry while getting kickbacks and looking like they are caring for their appointees. And in this film, she lands a big whale. Someone with no family to bug her and a lot of wealth.

But it turns out that Jennifer Petersor (Dianne Wiest) is not who she appears to be. And she does have a son (Peter Dinklage), who just so happens to be a mob boss in hiding, who doesn’t appreciate what is happening to his mother.

Also starring Alicia Witt, Chris Messina, Eiza González, Isiah Whitlock Jr., Macon Blair, and Nicholas Logan.

If a photo shows strong facial hair game, I must always comment on said facial hair. Rosamund Pike knows how to play a sinister lady character for sure. Have you seen Gone Girl? You should see Gone Girl. It is great. Her character isn’t as conniving and evil as Amy, but it is still a really evil character who has close to no morals in I Care A Lot. It is like the movie title is…a lie! So it is easy to see why she won a Golden Globe for her performance in this film. But I wouldn’t be lying if I didn’t mention I would have preferred Maria Bakalova. Oh well, as long as Music didn’t win anything, we are all winners.

I Care A Lot is a very intense film and one that won’t be for everyone. There are very strong shifts in terms of what kind of film it is, especially the larger second act. There is a chance you might love the beginning and hate the rest, and other similar situations. I was fine with all of them, and I prefer my films to keep me guessing, even on tone. It never rustles my jimmies.

I really enjoyed Pike in her role, and is the only one worth mentioning. Even Dinklage couldn’t match her, but he did have more limited screentime.

Honestly, this movie’s existence is a strange one for those who hate moral issues. We have bad person vs bad person. There isn’t a clear person to cheer for, even if they are the antagonist, they are still a shitty human being. I now assume that things like this movie depict happen in America on the regular, and well, I hope John Oliver does a special on it so I can get the facts and start caring more.

Because it is on Netflix, this one is pretty easy to recommend for at least offering us something new. Mob stories are played out, but this is clearly a fresh take.

3 out of 4.

SIX WRONG TURN MOVIES. Did you know (before this one) there were six wrong turn movies? I know there was 3 or 4, but even I lost track of them after awhile.

I distinctly remember watching the first Wrong Turn film, or at least parts of it, with the wonderful Eliza Dushku, in a time where I rarely watched any horror films. It was gross, and it (for me) helped signal a turn in horror movies at the time that decided having a final girl or survivor was dumb, and instead focused on killing the entire cast.

So this is the seventh Wrong Turn film, but the numbers are dropped. No, they are going bigger with this one. Theoretically a theatrical release. This is a reboot. Oooh. Taking the franchise in a different direction. Gone from the West Virginia hills with cannibalistic rednecks (assuming that is what films 2-6 were about as well) and we are now in….different Appalachia mountain hills with a society blocked off from the rest of America. Got cha.

Just six young people going out on a hike, hooray!Cabin in the woods, oooh ooooh, Cabin in the woods, yeah yeahhhh. Wait. No. Not a cabin in the woods. A trail in the woods. A trail in the woods that six fun millennials who have various amounts of experience plan on hiking, all of that Appalachian trail. Jen (Charlotte Vega) and her boyfriend, Darius (Adain Bradley). Milla (Emma Dumont) and her boyfriend Adam (Dylan McTee). And we have a gay couple!  Luis (Adrian Favela) and Gary (Vardaan Arora)! Yay!

Well, they are warned to keep to the trail, but damn it, they heard about some war memorial off in the woods and want to check it out. They do see a plaque for  the land declaring a free society for some group of people, but whatever. Oh, and traps also get let go and some of them die. That really sucks. Also their phones go missing. And then they also get captured.

Turns out, we got a whole village and community living on their own, off the grid, away from the government. They believe in helping each other out. Everyone works and plans and contributes, and everyone can take in on the food and feasting and joy. A wonderful, socialistic commune. But with their own rules and trials.

Gonna be a hard situation to get out of. Thankfully Jen’s dad (Matthew Modine) is actively searching for her, and hopefully he won’t be too late.

Also starring Daisy Head, Bill Sage, and Tim DeZarn.

Sweet hunting outfits. But can you see CAPITALISM coming?The Wrong Turn reboot feels like several movies crammed into each other. We got teens in the woods surviving traps and getting caught. We got the village life changes that occur to our survivors. And we got the after.

And honestly, this is a plus. If the whole film the first act, of surviving being hunted in the woods and avoiding traps and people in fur coats, it would have been pretty darn forgettable. This added more elements, it didn’t make the people in the mountain to be purely bad people. Sure, they did some bad things and their rules were harsh, but they weren’t fully bad maybe?

For the most part, this kept my interest and kept me caring about what would happen to our poor twenty somethings caught up in this mess.

But what I really want to write about is the ending, because it is downright amazing. In the last 10-15 minutes, we get a big change of pace which leads us to an interesting ending. It is the type of ending that sets up a sequel. Normally this sort of thing would upset me, but it handles it all so well, that it feels good and I got excited about where a Wrong Turn 2 could go. It would keep me guessing.

But that wasn’t the end. Wrong Turn decided to keep on going. The entire credits is part of the film too, and that set up sequel doesn’t happen. No, the movie is going to end with a real ending that seemingly ends the plot then and there and I am all for it. It is one thing to set up for a sequel that feels deserved. It is another mind blowing feat to set it up, and also take it away so quickly with a different ending. It was fantastic.

The acting is fine, the deaths are whatever, the morals are there (for a bit), but the ending knocks it out of the park.

3 out of 4.

I haven’t played it, because the idea of playing a game to be scared is on my nope nope list, but I guess Five Nights at Freddy’s is a game about surviving animatronic robots? Things that come alive at night and want to kill?

Nice. A solid topic. Simpsons did it.

And it looks like that before a movie could come out to take advantage of its popularity, Wally’s Wonderland came out first to soak it all in. Did it steal the idea? Probably not. Killer robots in a kids store aren’t exactly new. But in terms of films, it is always good to be first.

I did go in reluctantly to this, because although the idea sounds great, these Nicolas Cage movies that keep getting hyped by the internet keep also disappointing me, so it is hard to really trust again.

Best employee, hands down. Or, hands up?

This guy (Nicolas Cage) was cruising along, living his life, when his tires go flat and he has car problems. He gets a tow from the local small town, that can probably work over night and get him out the next day, but they are a cash only business. If he is willing to work, someone else might pay his debt though.

This guy is introduced to Tex Macadoo (Ric Reitz), the owner of Wally’s Wonderland. A pizza party restaurant with animatronics. Apparently he is a new owner and needs it cleaned out inside, and if this guy works on it he will pay for his car damage. Sure. Especially if it comes with beer and breaks on the pinball machine.

But sure enough, this is just a plot to make him a sacrifice, as these animatronics will come to live and are here to kill.

Also starring Emily Tosta, Beth Grant, Chris Warner, Kai Kadlec, Caylee Cowan, Jonathan Mercedes, Terayle Hill, and Christian Delgrosso.

You thought I’d show you a killer robot in these photos? Disappointment! 

I had low expectations going into Wally’s Wonderland, but honestly, this one surpassed them. I wouldn’t say it is still an overall great film, but it certainly has entertainment  value and it made some good decisions.

A lot of films that dump exposition on the viewer with a backstory or flashback usually do it poorly. This film does the same thing, and doesn’t do it in any unique way, but it seems to fit the style really well and I find it all acceptable.

Cage plays one of those silent but deadly roles in the film and I am happy that he keeps up the act the entire time, and they don’t ruin it with some monologue near the end. He is quick to act, but also quick to make sure he gets his self care in. If you don’t treat your own self, then who will?

Despite being a bit of a fun ride, the film didn’t really give many twists or turns. It was really straightforward. Despite the large number of robotic singing killers, the fight scenes were not done too creatively. Most of the robots when fighting Cage also apparently lose any tactics they have. One robot easily kills a teenager with a repeatable ranged attack, and it doesn’t really attempt it on Cage ever despite knowing he has destroyed the others. They don’t just appear in the dark either for sudden surprise bites and cuts.

The people who are interested in this plot will get exactly what they want from this movie and shouldn’t be disappointed. Cage is cage. Mayhem is mayhem. And creepy happy birthday bots really should be destroyed.

2 out of 4.

Everyone reading this has a big regret. It is the same collective one. You know. Not investing in Bitcoin decades ago when it was just starting out. The same thing you said probably a decade ago, and maybe said a couple of years ago. If it keeps going up though….should you invest now? Hard to say.

It’d be easier to guess and get lucky with the next bitcoin, but there are a lot out there, and no one is reaching that same level of price, so its a hard battle.

But what does that have to do with the movie Silk Road? No, not the ancient one. The new one, that was for drugs on the internet with bitcoin! Ah yes, the story is full circle now. Sure, I would love a movie about the start up and take down of one of the most infamous “websites” out there.

Need this film to make at least this much money to break even.

Ross Ulbricht (Nick Robinson) is one of those types. You know. A libertarian. He believes in lots of freedoms and getting away from the federal and local governments as much as possible. And probably, sometimes, he believes in non libertarian ideals as well, but that’s one of the perks of being a libertarian. Being able to claim to be different despite being just like everyone else.

Anyways. He is good at computers, and likes bitcoins and thinks all of this is the future. So he ends up setting up Silk Road. An Amazon for drugs and illegal stuff! Nothing really bad like assassins for hire, but weed, LCD, fun stuff. And thanks to encryption, the dark web, and bitcoin, he can set this whole thing up and even have the drugs mailed through the US postal service right to people’s doorsteps. Ah yes. Freedom.

But the government ain’t going to let this one slide. They will have a crack team (heh) of FBI specialists who know the internet to try and trace him and bring him in. And they will also have Rick Bowden (Jason Clarke), a DEA agent close to retirement who also has huge money issues, trying to figure out how to stop it despite being mostly computer illiterate and his much younger boss not caring about what he works on.

Also starring Alexandra Shipp, Jimmi Simpson, Katie Aselton, Lexi Rabe, Darrell Britt-Gibson, Daniel David Stewart, and Paul Walter Hauser. 

“What the fuck is the internet?“

If I had to guess, Silk Road wanted to be the next Social Network with some Catch Me If You Can action. People avoiding arrest and starting tech revolutions. Hip young people out to save the world. Violence and drugs and maybe even a little bit of sex.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t end up being as good as either of these films. It is a lot less witty and pretty bare bones on the plot. I liked parts, I hated parts, and I really thought a lot of information was skipped on the true story elements. I don’t even know if that is true. It just feels like a lot of it was skipped around or ignored or just accomplished during montages. And in terms of a police cat and mouse game with Ulbricht, well, it is really just mostly avoidance until a couple things get let up, and that is it.

Fun fact, Robinson and Shipp were previously in the movie Love, Simon, in definitely not a relationship, but they are in one for some time in this movie.

Back to this movie. It is such a good story in real life, but I think the movie tries to remain neutral in all of the story telling, so it can’t really fully give me a really wow granting storyline. All of the acting is just fine. It was good to find out about the DEA agent who decided to be a dickbag about this whole thing a well, but it doesn’t make this version of the story interesting enough to ever warrant a rewatch unfortunately.

2 out of 4.

Saint Maud was one of two highly anticipated horror films that /almost/ came out in 2020 before that shit hit the fan. The other was Antlers, which is coming out in October of this year. Both of them were set to come out in April of 2020, but got delayed multiple times.

Saint Maud, however, being a British film, did end up coming out in the UK late 2020 I believe, and then did the theater VOD thing in America in February of 2021.

The trailers honestly didn’t do a whole lot for me, but I was still excited for this one, because it was being released by A24 and they rarely let me down, and usually give horrors with some layers to it. So give me dat religious scares without nuns or exorcisms!

Ah yes, prayer, the scariest religious practice indeed.Maud (Morfydd Clark) is a personal care nurse and currently living in a small English town by the sea. She used to be Katie, but she failed to save a life and went through some hard times mentally. She decided to go harder into that Catholicism and change her name to Maud, for reasons. Now she deals with patients one on one.

She is now the main caretakers of Amanda (Jennifer Ehle), an older dancer from America. She has that stage four cancer and is mostly in a wheel chair now just waiting to die. And she is an atheist! Oh no!

Clearly Maud was sent here by God, not just so care for this lady, but to save her soul before her demise as well. A challenge and a reason for being.

Also starring Lily Knight, Lily Frazer, and Turlough Convery.

Okay, I didn’t talk about possessions earlier, so I guess this is okay.Saint Maud is certainly not going to be the scariest horror movie ever made. It is definitely a slow build, and has some moments, but don’t expect a lot of jumping out of your seats moments.

You can expect surprises, for sure. And some weird moments and interesting dialogue and scenes along the way.

To me, this is a film that is absolutely saved by the ending. Depending on where the story took us, this could have been nothing, but I loved the ending so dang much. The entire conclusion of Maud’s story in this film is worth the build up. Even down to the last second of the movie still has some level of surprises left in it for the viewer, so it is important to pay attention and listen to it all.

Religious horrors are either really easy to make or hard to make, I really cannot tell. A lot of shitty ones come out, so the ideas must be easy, but making them excel and worth watching is the real story here. And I think Saint Maud tells a small enough story that makes it one worth telling and one that gives us a unique spin on the whole thing to really make it stand out.

3 out of 4.

The tale of Narco Sub coming out is not longer or more arduous than other films, but it is still notable. It is just one of the many films that was set to come out early in 2020, hit some festivals, and then maybe get a wider release in theaters.

The director, Shawn Welling, was unable to release the movie in theaters, at a time when theaters are definitely hurting and wanting more and more new material. Instead, it ended up being released on Amazon, not as a part of Amazon Prime, but just a thing you can buy and rent for a pretty high price.

Pretty ballsy of an approach, given that the director has a ton of work that most people would say they haven’t heard about before.

Look moody and mean. That’ll show them. Bruce Stryker (Tom Vera) is a narcotics officer, trying to bring an end to all this drug stuff coming in to our USA from the South Americas. He is good at what he does, and sometimes he has to go on ground missions to really help save the day.

His job has took him to literal Columbia, where he moved his wife (Sydney Ruddock) and daughter (Alexis Arnold) in order to combat the drug crisis. Seems like a strange idea, but okay. And sure enough, after helping put an end to a hostage crisis that involved a Senator’s daughter, he finds his own family in hot water.

Now the cartel has taken his wife and daughter and might kill him! But they won’t, if he totally gets on a sub full of drugs, and helps get it to America in one piece, to sell all of the drugs to the citizens. So I guess our agent now has to go against the law, good times.

Also starring Tom Sizemore, Lee Majors, Robert LaSardo, Jim Jimenez, and Jon Fiore.

I don’t think a single actor in this picture is noted in my tags. There is some bias here, I will say, because this is not the first Welling film I have seen. It is the first to get a review on the website, but not the first I have had to write about in other sources. This is maybe my sixth film of his. The others were all gigantic wastes of time, similar to how I currently find Terrence Malick films, except for at least Malick films I can see a reason why someone might enjoy them.

This one doesn’t feel the same as his previous work. Gone are the weird visuals and big music background numbers. It is an action film and going for that. Unfortunately, the film didn’t become good along the way with the change in directorial style.

This plot is absolutely terrible. From moment a to b to c, it has characters making strange decisions and a lack of payoff by the end. There are quite a few changes in the plot, so it was a bit hard to even type up the outline above, because it went a lot of places to get to the point in the story that the plot cared most about. The ending itself is so quick and disappointing as well. Not the worst ending of the year, but up there.

There is nothing positive about the film to note, and it is a waste of not just your own time, but frankly the people who were in it who had to wait for it to eventually come out.

0 out of 4.