Tag: Bette Midler

When I first heard that Oscar Isaac was set to play Gomez Adams, I was ecstatic. Perfect! I love it! Let’s do it! Probably one of the best actors who could play him after Raul Julia did it in the early 90’s!

And then they announced it was actually an animated movie and he was just doing voice work.

Ohhhh….boo. What a waste. Anyone can be Gomez in terms of voice acting. That almost seems to imply that if they eventually do a live action one in the next decade, they probably won’t pick Oscar Isaac for it now. And life is disappointing.

Not off to a good start, The Addams Family animated movie.

But thanks for focusing on making sure Morticia was boob focused most of the film?

Not wanting to start with our house of weirdos, this film starts with the marriage of Gomez (Oscar Isaac) and Morticia (Charlize Theron) in a likely eastern European village. But alas, their families are labeled freaks and they are chased out of town by torches and saved by Fester (Nick Kroll). They decide to start their family far away, somewhere no one will find them and disgusting. An abandoned mental asylum they find in New Jersey!

Now thirteen years later, they are loving their mountain top paradise, surrounded by swamps, raising their kids Wednesday (Chloë Grace Moretz) and Pugsley (Finn Wolfhard) and their man servant Lurch (Conrad Vernon).

Things are happening quickly though. Pugsley has his mamushka coming up to prove to all of his family he can protect them with a sword so all of the extended family is coming.

And then? The fog disappears! It turns out someone drained the swamp and put up a perfect community below the mountain. A perfect city with perfect citizens called Assimilation, that Margaux Needler (Allison Janney) is fixing together to sell as part of some reality show. And this sudden big scary castle on the mountain is not going to help her one bit.

Also featuring Snoop Dogg, Bette Midler, Titus Burgess, and Elsie Fisher.

Oh and Wednesday joins public school and becomes a trend setter.

Giving us a prologue for The Addams Family it turns out is completely unnecessary. Is it cute? Sure. But it also tells us their house is an asylum, not a MUSEUM, which is not only in the old theme song, but literally that theme song is used in this movie as well. Unacceptable.

This Addams Family cartoon didn’t go far enough. Enough in like, any direction. They didn’t have too much shocking or spooky or weird, as a lot of it is just replaced with explosions, from bombs and boulders.It was just very tame. And in terms of humor, actual good jokes were few and far in between. I watched it with a very full theater with a lot of kids, and rarely were there chuckles.

This is a film that is played way too safe. I am not saying they need extreme dark humor, or to make it not family friendly. They just didn’t do really anything with this large and interesting cast of characters. Gomez is a bitch. Morticia doesn’t really do much at all. Pugsley and Wednesday look a bit too weird and don’t feel like real characters.

Come on Oscar Isaac. Demand a reboot with you playing the live action lead now.

Three major movies came out on Christmas Day in theaters, but they all cannot be winners. Parental Guidance reminds us of that fact. Normally reserved for movies with a little bit more umph, Parental Guidance is the other side of movies, the family friendly bunch. Apparently, families sometimes go out to see movies on Christmas. Guess there is only so much bonding time you can allow between the presents and food eating before you snap.

“Alright fuck it, you kids put away your new toys! Time to watch a movie!”

I honestly think I wrote the intro to this review in my sleep. Does it make any sense?

Artie Decker (Billy Crystal) talks a lot, and for a good reason. He is a baseball announcer, has been most of his life, just for minor league teams. Just one day, one day, maybe he will work for the San Francisco Giants. But not if he goes and get fired for not being tech savvy enough. Whoops. His wife (Bette Midler) tries to be supportive, but eh, life sucks.

Speaking of life sucks, their only daughter Alice (Marisa Tomei) has three kids of her own, an overachieving oldest daughter, Harper (Bailee Madison), a younger son Turner (Joshua Rush) with a stutter, and a little boy Barker (Kyle Harrison Breitkopf) who ha imaginary friends and is overly hyper. But her husband (Tom Everett Scott) is a smart one, and he made a smart house after many many years. He is even winning an award, gets to go to some place in California for it. A nice vacation for the two of them, but all these kids and responsibilities…

Oh no, the only people are available are her parents! Their old fashioned life style can’t possibly interact with the new way of raising children, all sugar free, never saying negative things, letting them eat and dress themselves, technology enabled, never losing, and full of derp.

Frankly, I think she deserves this for wearing such an awkward looting sweater dress.

I think I tried hard to not have a bias going into this movie, but the movie sure did its best to strengthen the bias. I should note that Billy Crystal didn’t suck in this movie, after all, he is Billy Fucking Crystal. His character provided laughs and made the film a bit better than horse shit. I think that is what the director was counting on though.

The problem is that every time some good moments almost seemed to go together to make it a decent scene or moment, the film pace changed to crash it into a head palm moment. Not in the “Oh great, now the kids are back and annoying” or anything. Just certain decisions were pretty damn annoying.

Best non Billy Crystal part? Gedde Watanabe was in the movie. Here is one of his great scenes from UHF.

Turns out that Then She Found Me, a movie I had never heard of and found in a cheap bin and bought for the actors involved, is the first movie directed by /The/ Helen Hunt.

But she is also the main character too. Obviously she can’t completely escape the starlight, just yet.

“Quit staring at me with those dead eyes, you church bitch!” I think thats the quote there. Might be confusing it with something else.

Helen Hunt is getting married! Yay! She is in her late 30s, but is finally getting hitched to Matthew Broderick, a fellow elementary school teacher. She has no idea who her biological parents are and was adopted herself into a Jewish household, so for all intensive purposes, she is Jewish. She also really wants a baby before its too late, and really really doesn’t want to adopt herself.

Well ten months later, she is still not pregnant and it is looking rather grim. So Broderick does what every insecure man does and leaves her, not wanting that life. He also just quits his job, thinking it’d be weird teaching a class right next to hers. Ya think? So she goes to live with her brother (Ben Shenkman) where she also gets some strange news. Her mother (Bette Midler) has found her and wants to meet. (I am 85% sure that is the reason of the title!).

Turns out she is a local celebrity who does a talk show early in the day that Hunt has never heard of. Midler want to reconnect with her lost daughter and make up for all the years lost, despite the fact that she is now an almost forty year old woman. Who, if you forgot, is going biological clock crazy and really wanting that kid. It also so happens that she meets Colin Firth, a single dad with two kid, who is not socially awkward, but britishly honest, I guess.

Oh, and when Broderick broke up with her, she had sex with him before he left, and guess what. Got pregnant. But now she wants nothing to do with Matthew who left over that very reason, and might be in love with Colin. Dramaaa.

Colin also has a filthy fucking mouth in this movie.

More stuff happens, but that is end of the movie spoilers. I assure you it has to do with love and babies though. And maybe even her mother!

The movie is clearly very dramatic, and at points I loved it, and other points I hated it. Generally that fluctuated with whether or not Colin Firth was on the screen. His character was awesome, and the mom was annoyingly not. The dialogue also went back and forth between awesome and horrible, this time across all actors.

Despite partially interesting plot, it also gave me you know, boring plot. I guess that was the major problem with this movie. Back and forth between interesting and boring. Probably just like real life. Too real if you ask me.