Tag: Ashley Hinshaw

I like history. By that, I of course mean History I can relate too. You know, western cultural stuff. Cough cough.

But hey, old Egyptian history is super close to that. It is like, pre-Greece. Similar to Mesopotamian stuff. So it kind of fits the narrative.

Of course, The Pyramid probably doesn’t have any real history in it. But it might make reference to pharaohs, or some important event. As long as it tries. As Above, So Below was a horror movie that tried to add some historical elements into it, along with a couple decent fear moments. So I am definitely giving The Pyramid a chance. As long as it isn’t aliens.

(Sighs) It’s always aliens.

And you thought there was nothing new to discover about pyramids. But thanks to science! and technology! they have actually found a NEW Egyptian pyramid. Who are they? Dr. Nora Holden (Ashley Hinshaw) and Dr. Miles Holden (Denis O’Hare), a father/daughter Archaeologist team. This pyramid was discovered underneath the sand, so it is way older than the other pyramids. Old enough to be buried! Oh man! The discoveries!

So many discoveries, that they are making a documentary about its discovery, the digging up, and hopefully its juicy/sexy insides. Sunni (Christa Nicola) will be the director/star, and she wants an emmy. Also has Fitzie (James Buckley) as a camera man. They even have a 3 million dollar robot thing to walk the halls before anyone else and discover traps, or pit falls, or whatever.

But unfortunately, Egypt is having unrest. A lot of political turmoil, so the crew is going to have to stop before they can go inside. Well that sucks. Maybe they can just quickly have the robot go in real quick to get some footage before they wait for some time. Maybe they can quickly go in there to get the robot once it breaks down. Maybe they can get out once they get lost and walls seem to be closing in around them. Maybe…

Also featuring Amir K and Faycal Attougui.

My daddy always said, “If you find a human size hole, you should crawl through it. For Science.”

This film for the most part is of the “found footage” genre. We have a couple cameras for documentary / science reasons, and a robot with cameras! But also, a lot of scenes are just regular camera scenes too. It kind of just flowed how it wanted to (See picture 2), and went with a regular camera to make a better movie. And you know what, good for them. End of Watch did that, and End of Watch was fucking amazing.

But the found footage I don’t think was done great either. Annoying in all the wrong (right? How do I make this sentence?) places.

The actors weren’t too great. Seemed like another case of smart people, dumb decisions.

But overall, I still think the movie was okay. Why? Because I really like “the villain”. The Pyramid has secrets. I will just say we aren’t stuck with aliens, nor are we stuck with some lame mummy. They at least attempted to do something cool with this movie. They tried something, by golly! And the reveal didn’t wait for the last five minutes or anything, we got to see it multiple times and the reveal didn’t ruin the scare. The scares were okay. Not fantastic, just okay. Much like how I think about the overall movie.

Some people will assume I watched About Cherry only because of its provocative DVD cover, of which I will leave up to you to look up on your own.

Those people would be right.

Seriously, that’s the reason.

You see, she has been a naughty girl, and people need to acknowledge that fact in this movie.

Angelina (Ashley Hinshaw) has recently just turned eighteen, and you know what that means! Time to throw away all responsibility and do what you want. Who cares if your mom is worried? Who cares about money? Oh wait, Angelina cares about money. That is why she agrees to do a sexy photo sheet for some necessary cash. Oh yeah, it turns out she likes it too.

So she convinces her friend (Dev Patel) to move to San Francisco with her, where they share a room and an apartment with another boy. Angelina goes to work at a strip club, not as a skeezy dancer, but as a waitress. That is where she meets Frances (James Franco), a rich lawyer who totally wants her. Woo, sugar daddy.

Oh yeah, and she starts doing adult films too. You know, solo stuff, strip scenes nothing too dramatic. Until she does BDSM with other women only. Not with dudes, that would be strange. Until she progresses to dude stuff too. Oh yeah. Penetration. Either way, her life keeps going up, her friend starts to hate her, her man starts to hate her, but Heather Graham doesn’t hate her. Heather Graham plays a director, who thinks she really has the “Stuff” despite only being eighteen.

Franco knows whats up. He loves the young ones. Francos a sick man.

Guess what, this movie has breasts in it. Ashley Hinshaw’s and some other women. But that is about it, really. It is a movie with some boobs and little else. The drama seems fake and forced. The message is uncertain, and the characters are lame. The ending is also a let down.

But boobs? But nothing. National Lampoon movies have boobs, but also occasionally they are entertaining. Yes through humor, but dramas can be entertaining as well. This one just isn’t. It is boring, and although I never moved to California become an adult star (that you know of), I doubt it happens that way so casually. Short review, for basically a short waste of time. Ashley Hinshaw is hot though.

I can’t say I planned on watching LOL today. But I left my movie at home, whoops. Had to go to the backup! And it fit my time schedule, so LOL it was.

What is LOL? It is an acronym, short for something, can’t figure it out.

I am sure it is something made up by Little Old Ladies though.

Still writing in a diary? That is pretty much a modern Lowest Of the Low

Guess what? Lola (Miley Cyrus) is our main hero! But when people are too busy and can’t be wasted with two syllable names, they just shorten it to Lol. Gotcha. She is just your normal teen age girl, a senior, doing some stuff with boys, having divorced parents, and not the best relationships with either of them. Not even her mother (Demi Moore) who she lives with. And the mom just wants the best, but blah blah blah.

She is totally Locked On Lovebeams with her serious long term boyfriend Chad (George Finn), too. You know, until she finds out he cheated on her. WITH ASHLEY (Ashley Greene) EVEN. THE FUCK CHAD, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? Ah, because Lola ain’t given it up. Her Land O’ Lakes is off limits.

So she is mad, takes it out on people. But thankfully she has BFFs in Emily (Ashley Hinshaw) and Kyle (Douglas Booth). But having just a guy friend is probably not doable. I wouldn’t be surprised if Chad was actually Looking Or Lusting Over Lola Our Lady. (Was that too much? My bad).

And pretty much that is it. Some awkward love. Maybe a trip to Paris. The mom trying to get a date as well. Maybe some sex and secret journals in the last twenty minutes, that get resolved in like, three minutes and then the movie suddenly stops.

Sure is a Lot Of Love going on in Paris. Maybe too much.

So uhh, yeah.

Rocking out at over 90 minutes, this movie has about 20 minutes of plot. Maybe. MAYBE.

It is poorly spliced together at the beginning (Awkward audio cut scenes in my opinion, and poor transitions). And the plot offers absolutely nothing.

Girl is cheated on. Some people have sex. Girl eventually has sex too with her old BFF now just BF. Mom finds out, flips out for 30s and then doesn’t and then done. What in the fuck? Seriously, what?

Absolutely nothing of value or interest happens this movie. One of its selling points is all “Oh man in this modern world, we share everything on Facebook and shit, and no longer are secrets secretive”. But technology, and texting barely matters in this movie. Just the fact the her mom accidentally read her journal. Yep.

Fuck all this noise.

I first heard about this movie before it came out to theaters, a friend of mine saw the trailer and shared it and I was like, whoa, this looks pretty awesome.

I then “forgot about it” in that I could not remember the name. At all. I remembered what it was about. But the name?! I kept confusing it with Project X, not for similar subject matter, but I could imagine a lame title like that for the trailer I saw. It wasn’t until a few days ago when someone suggested I watch Chronicle. I was like, “Chronicle? Never heard of it, let me go to IMD-OH MAN THAT MOVIE!”

I was seconds away from downloading it illegally too, but don’t worry, it came out on DVD/Blu-Ray Tuesday!

Ah, they don’t look worried.

Andrew (Dane DeHaan) is a kid in high school, who is bullied and generally keeps to himself. He lives in a bad household too, where his mom (Bo Petersen) is dying of cancer and his dad (Michael Kelly) beats him and is verbally abusive. Because of this he decides to video tape his life as a self project, so that others can know what he goes through, have the last moments of his mom, etc.

People find it weird. People HATE being video taped, they just assume he is creepy. He is feeling all bad at a party his cousin, Matt (Alex Russell) made him go to, when Steve (Michael B. Jordan) the popular high school president friend of Matt makes him grab his camera to check out something cool. Matt and Steve found a huge hole in the ground that makes weird noises! So of course they investigate it. Well they find a giant blue crystal, weird noises, gives them headaches and nose bleeds, and breaks the camera.

Three weeks later? Oh hey look, telekinesis.

They figure out that it works like a muscle. Gets stronger the more they practice with it, and nosebleeds happen every time they exert too much power. Basic things cause it at first, but eventually these bitches can move cars. And fly! But dissension occurs amongst the ranks, as they realize certain things are bad, but other people don’t like being controlled. They plan to fly around the world together, after they graduation. Maybe visit those Tibet monks.

You know, as long as they don’t start fighting it out all telekinetic power wise, and have people die and shit.

I am just going to leave this here.

In case you didn’t know, this is a “hand held camera” movie, but don’t worry, it isn’t some found footage crap. It is just showing the film through whatever video collecting device was running at the time. Whatever it may be! That three week pause is because he didn’t get a new camera, so we get to avoid the delay of discovering they have powers, straight to them playing with them and figuring out what they can’t do. I didn’t find the camera too distracting either, and it kind of helped out the movie in a lot of ways just feel more realistic.

Matt’s pseudo love interest (Ashley Hinshaw) is supposed to help ground Matt, I guess, who might secretly be a smart guy but afraid to show it or else not be popular? Pretty much that aspect of his character is the only thing I didn’t like. He said a feel philosophical things, but they always felt a bit random to me and I think they threw that aspect into the character without fully defining the why aspects.

But everything after that I loved. The visual effects for this movie were great and like I said, everything just felt super real. Predictable events don’t always mean a bad thing, because even if you know which character is going to turn mean, you don’t know what he is going to do when he IS mean.