Score: A Hockey Musical

Oh Candaa. The home and native land to many a hockey player. Shit, they invented the sport.

So it comes as no surprise to see that Score: A Hockey Musical eventually came to be. I mean fuck. It has two things I love. Musicals. And Hockey.

How can this love song to Canada be bad?

“I don’t know what to do with my hands.”

Well, his name is Farley Gordan (Noah Reid) and he is going to be the next Crosby. Just no one knows of him, because he has never played any sort of organized team play, just pond hockey with his friends. That is because his parents (Marc Jordan, Olivia Newton-John) are pretty strict liberalists. They have home schooled him his whole life, controlling all aspects, trying to raise him to be Gandhi.

But after a local minor league hockey team owner (Stephen McHattie) sees him play, he gets an offer to join the slightly big leagues! But anyone that knows the minor leagues knows that they are rough and dangerous. Farley is a frail kid, can he take a hit? Can he handle a fight? Can he score with professionals?

No. No he cant. He is a pacifist. The Moose (Dru Viergever), the teams goon cannot protect him. The coach (John Pyper-Ferguson) doesn’t want a sissy on his team, no matter how well he can score. Hell, even the ginger goalie (Chris Ratz) doesn’t approve.

Can Farley figure out how to survive in a fighting league? Can he earn respect? When will he realize his best friend Eve (Allie MacDonald) is more than a friend?!

JUST HOW MUCH TEAM DANCING AND SINGING CAN I EXPECT?

Score may be one of the worst movies made in 2010. However, it easily transcends into “so bad it is good” territory, in my mind. The actual movie is very tongue-in-cheek. It is a movie that is a cheesy musical, while being aware that it is a cheesy musical. Hell, multiple lines sound a bit Whedon-like from his previous works.

The singing isn’t the best either. Newton-John didn’t even sound good, and some of the lyrics will make you cringe, mostly by throwing in too many words to make the rhyme work. But there /is/ some good singing. Allie MacDonald is actually a great singer. They had her sing a bit of Sometimes When We Touch, almost to tease her actual great singing voice, making it an even bigger joke. Noah Reid isn’t a bad singer either. The problem lies with the actual lyrics. Most of the lyrics are just song/spoke, that in between, and it just doesn’t sound the best.

But this movie has some real gems in terms of songs.

The song Pacifism’s Defense, where Farley tries to argue he shouldn’t have to fight, versus his whole team who disagrees. We get awkward manly time, dancing in the locker room, and some interesting rhymes.

The radio version of the finale, Hockey, The Greatest Game In The Land is hilarious in its catchy-ness and how it switches from hockey to just Canada in general.

Every good musical needs a ballet, and this one has one in the form of an bench clearing brawl. “Jab Jab, Hook Hook, Kidney Punch”. Hell, it also has cameos from Walter Gretzky and Theo Fleury.

I say if you are going to watch this movie, don’t take it too seriously, watch it to make fun of, and it will be good. On its own, yes, it is poorly acted and sung. But if you Give It A Shot, it might just make you proud to be a hockey fan. Or the opposite of that.

And yes, that is Nelly Furtado as rambuncious homer fan of a minor league hockey team.