Tag: 2 out of 4

Crazy Heart

Man, the cover for Crazy Heart is pretty epic, in my opinion.

Crazy Heart
Maybe that guitar turns into a gun? Yeah!

Jeff Bridges is the lead, and he is an old, alcoholic, former country star. He used to be big shit, but you know, isn’t anymore. Making ends meat by traveling in the south, playing smaller shows, and getting more beer! Well, eventually he meets Maggie Gyllenhaal, who is a journalist looking for a good story. She is divorced with a son, and they kind of hit it off, in a creepy way.

So he is like, “Hey! I wanna get my life on track!” So he goes to Colin Farrell, a past “student” of his who is big now, and gets to open up for him. Despite thinking he shouldn’t have to, because he used to be better. He wants to do an album with him to get on track better, but Colin has to do a few more solo albums. So he enlists Jeff to write some songs, because he is apparently good at that shit too. Well. He relapses, has relationships problem, drinks, gets hurt, and you know, crazy shit.

Crazy Heart shit. He also has an old friend who helps him through his problems in Robert Duvall, playing helpful bartender. (Or at least the most helpful a Bartender can be to an alcoholic.)

But that is the movie in a nutshell.

Ferrel Crazy Heart
There are literally no better pictures of this movie on the internet.

Although it had pretty good acting, I thought it was…too long drawn out. I lost interest. Well done everyone, but just, the story wasn’t interesting enough for me. So I wouldn’t want to see it again.

2 out of 4.

Peep World

I have walked by this title a lot, mostly because I got it confused with a British television show that might be about Pedophiles, Peep Show. But Peep World has neither pedos nor Brits. Just Americans, a “dysfunctional family” and boner jokes.


This is all not to be confused with this British gem.

Peep World is the name of a fictional book in this fictional movie. Written by Ben Schwartz, he is the youngest member of his family, and decided to write a novel about their lives. They didn’t know it was going to happen, but it became a very successful book, and even has a movie being made about it! Whether or not it is just based on them, or all true, that is the real question. Despite all of this fame for the youngest son, he has problems lasting in the sack, and therefore is flawed again. His assistant Kate Mara might be able to help.

He has two older brothers, one a not too successful lawyer (Rainn Wilson, took 8 tries to pass the bar), and a more successful businessman with a wife (Michael C Hall, Judy Greer). His older sister is Sarah Silverman, and is thinking of suing for damages, all while her friend Stephen Tobolowsky is trying to hit that. Oh yeah, and the entire thing is narrated by Lewis Black.

Lot of star power right there. Unfortunately just describing the plot seemed weird to me. Characters all there, and a dad, who really wants to bring his family together. That is about it.

A very odd film, no doubt, and had some humorous moments, but I am left wondering what the point was of it all. I just needed something…more!

Rainn Wilson
More than Rainn Wilson looking like, well, a pedophile.

2 out of 4.

The Expendables

It has taken me a long time to watch The Expendables, mostly because it and Eat, Pray, Love came out on the same day as Scott Pilgrim vs The World in theaters. Both of which did better in the box office, despite my fanboyism declaring that SP was clearly the best movie. So, in order to make up for it, I had to do the SP review before at least one of those movies. Hooray!

Excitement Expendables
Well, I know ONE cast member who is excited.

The Expendables are a mercenary group for higher, and has quite a few of the names mentioned in them. Lead by Sylvester Stallone, and Jason Statham, it also features Jet Li, Terry Crews, Dolph Lundgren, and Randy Couture. Each having their own specializations of course, because that’s how elite teams works.

They are sent to (somewhere in South America), to take down a dictator played by David Zayas. Eventually Mickey Rourke joins their team as well. Steve Austin is a hired muscle bad guy too! But where do Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger come in?

Arnold is the leader of a rival group, who already has a mission lined up, so he lets the Expendables take this one. Willis is the man hiring them. So there is one scene with those two and Stallone, and that is all you will get of those two. So, if that is your draw? Well, ignore the movie.

So yeah. Plot is basically that. Lot of action, lot of killing, and the heroes win out at the end of the day. I think what makes a better story is who didn’t make the film!

John-Claude Van Damme was supposed to play a major role, but didn’t want to. But he regrets it now and will be in the sequel. Terry Crews role went through 3 people before him (Wesley Snipes, Forest Whitaker, and 50 Cent). And the role that Willis landed was first given to Arnold, and then offered to Kurt Russell, but I guess he was too cool to do one scene in a movie.

Really, all that does is make me wish original people got their roles. There’d be more bigger famous names, less new guys (who the hell is Randy Couture??).

Couture
Some guy who loves puppies?

In terms of plot, its is pretty weak. In terms of tons of action, and throw backs to the “classics” in the 80s and 90s, it does well. This is one of those films where you will know if you will enjoy it before going to see it. Really not much else to say about that.

2 out of 4.

Run, Fatboy, Run

Run, Fatboy, Run I heard about first years ago, but just never got around to watching. I mean, just from the title I wanted to watch it, and knowing it was a Simon Pegg movie made me want to watch it more. I had no idea about the plot either. Which is why I first got it confused with How To Lose Friends & Alienate People, which came out soon after. Oh well. Turns out those movies have big differences, like rating, and in amount of Megan Fox.

Megan Fox
Statistically, when comparing two movies, the one with less amounts of Megan Fox usually ends up being “better”.

The movie starts out unlike other Simon Pegg movies though. Dude is getting married! To Thandie Newton. No racism in this movie! Why? I mean, he does like her. But he also knocked her up. So its one of those things. All of it freaks him out though, and he runs away.

Flash forward five years! For some reason she is still upset about the whole “running away from Marriage thing” and it is hard for him to get to hang out with his son. He is now a more unfit human being (not “fat”) and a security guard, who can barely pay his rent, and bums money off of people. Similarly, his “woman” got a new man! Hank Azaria. Which, when compared to Simon Pegg, does seem like a better choice. He has money, he is nice to people, he even runs marathons for charities! See where this is going?

Simon is trying to prove he can change his ways, before Hank takes his son and former almost wife to Chicago (they live in London of course) and he never sees them again. He attempts to prove this by showing he can not only run in the upcoming marathon, but beat Hank as well. Theres the movie in a nut shell, minus the ending.

Parts of it were pretty funny, but a lot also fell flat for me. Simon plays a pretty normal (British) guy, so he is easily relatable and root-able. I wasn’t even sure if I liked it overall until the end. The end and race (which is like, 30 minutes) did a great job of making Simon way better than Hank, and giving a great feel good story that will make you all warm and cozy. It is mostly predictable, the movie plot lines, but that is fine.

Run fatboy run
Also, check out his assistant couch. Win.

Also, in case you are wondering, the charity he chooses is “National erectile Disfunction Awareness”.

2 out of 4.

A Good Old Fashioned Orgy

A Good Old Fashioned Orgy not only sounds like a great name for a movie, but a band, a novel, a weekly comic strip, and a video game. I am surprise we aren’t eating a cereal with that name yet either. The first time hearing that title, I felt like the guy who just invented the word “Shazam!”

Captain Marvel ous
I am sure he felt Marvel-ous.

Jason Sudeikis is middle aged and likes to party. Like all middle aged people I know. He lives in his dad’s summer house, pretty much, and throws crazy bashes that frequently get the police called on them. We get to see their “White Trash Bash” at the start. He meets a girl, Leslie Bibb! Who he wants, but later turns out to be his real estate agent.

Real estate agent?! Oh yeah. His dad is selling his house. Well shit. All the memories! He needs to find an epic, end of summer hootenanny to end all other hootenannies. With the help of his best friend Tyler Labine, he realizes that his generation is lame. They need to kick start their generation back on the right track, and have a good old fashioned orgy. (Oh shit, title drop again!)

Who is involved though? Well just their close friends. Lake Bell (recently single), Michelle Borth (secretly likes Jason), Lindsay Sloane (insecure about her looks), Nick Kroll (insecure about everything), and Angela Sarafyan and Martin Starr (Dating couple). But who isn’t invited? Lucy Punch and Will Forte, because they just got married and have a baby, and that would be weird.

Orgy orgy orgy!
And the last thing you need in an orgy is for things to be weird.

The obvious plot comes from the fact that Jason finally likes a girl, but she probably wouldn’t be too keen on hearing about a planned Orgy, that he is the lead alpha in. Also there is a lot of sex talk and sex in the movie. You know, people trying to figure out if they want to, how they would do it, getting tips from people, etc. Normal stuff.

There isn’t as much nakedness as one would expect from a movie called this though. Or sex. The “orgy” party did last longer than I thought, but still seemed like it could have been better. More realistic, probably no. Because people are too awkward. The humor of the movie, pretty witty at times, and other times fell short a lot. This is Jason’s first role as “100% lead actor” role, but wasn’t even the funniest person (that would be Tyler Labine). It was decent, but not the laugh riot I was hoping for.

2 out of 4.

Final Destination 5

Final Destination 5? The Final Final Destination? (No, not really. Apparently if this did well, there’d be two filmed at the same time? Not sure if that has been decided yet.) As far as I know though, it doesn’t really matter. You can always make a new movie about a group of people who escape death, and end up dying in gruesome ways. Pretty much writes itself!

Shocked destination 5
Don’t look too shocked. Your role could have been done by anyone!

What is the big event this time? A bridge collapse. The main group of people all work for or are related to people at some company going on an outing. A nice bus and all. The main character is Nicholas D’Agosto. He has a vision of most everyone die, except for his girlfriend Emma Bell, who he manages to save. Needless to say, after he sees all this, he freaks out and saves some people from the bus (the others are like, what?). This includes his good friend, Miles Fisher, his lady friend, Ellen Wroe, and the guy at the office no one likes, P.J. Byrne. We also have hot office mate, Jacqueline MacInnes Wood, new guy who runs the factory despite age, Arlen Escarpeta, and everyone’s boss, David Koechner! Eight in all.

Eight? That’s a pretty good number of people who are going to probably die then. There is also the detective assigned to the case, Courtney B. Vance, who I only remember from being in that one season of FlashForward.

As you all know, I am not a usual horror watcher. But nothing else is really coming out this week, so I said screw it. The only other FD I have seen was the second one, and parts of the third. General knowledge of the first. I was told that this one relates to the others, and it is good to see them. But I don’t want to see them!

So I did the next best thing, read the plot outlines on Wikipedia! Do not do this. The plot outlines, in an attempt to relate all the movies, kind of spoil the ending of this movie. I didn’t know I had it spoiled, until the ending happened. And went “Oh! That was the twist! Well shit.”

For shame Wiki. For shame.

Massage
Who dies while getting a massage? Seriously?

So, I was sufficiently scared during this movie, I think. I definitely found everything to be pretty gruesome, which makes me mad that I watched this during lunch time. Filmmakers did a good job of throwing a lot of red herrings at our faces, trying to figure out just how they would die. Usually you’d be wrong.

That gymnastics scene in particular was the biggest tease. I also disliked that during the credits, they showed footage of the other movie deaths all back to back and crazy, probably just to give the 3D viewers and extra whoa! I didn’t need it all at once though, myself.

I think fans of the series would enjoy this one. The acting wasn’t the best, but I cared enough about some of the characters to make me hope they’d survive. Damn death.

2 out of 4.

Midnight In Paris

I was reluctant to watch Midnight in Paris because it had some things I am generally afraid of. One being Owen Wilson acting, the other being the possibility that I might not get it, because it is a Woody Allen movie. I think there is an unspoken rule that if you don’t like Woody Allen, you are bad at movies. Or something like that. So I have been putting his recent movies off. Even that one with Scarlet Johansson!

Vicky christina barcelna
But now that I have seen a recent one, I am coming for you Vicky Christina Barcelona!

Film begins with Owen and Rachel McAdams, in Paris! They are married. He is a writer. But they have issues. Hopefully Paris with her parents and friends can help them. The dad is played by Kurt Fuller, who always makes me laugh. Not by what he does, just because of his looks and Wayne’s World.

Well, one night when he just wants to walk around and not go out dancing, he gets invited into an old timey car right at midnight. Reluctantly, he goes with them out to a bar, and eventually realizes he is in the 1920s Paris, much like what his novel is about. He meets the F. Scott Fitzgerald! And other people. Like Corey Stoll as Ernest Hemingway, and Kathy Bates as Gertrude Stein. Famous artists throughout the earl 1900s who inhabited Paris show up, from writers, to song writers, to painters, and more. Night after night he goes to the same place to be picked up by the car, alone after he realizes his wife wouldn’t understand.

Yeah. And he meets a girl. “Adriana” or Marion Cotillard. Not sure if she is actually someone famous or not. But he likes her way more. Afterall, she lives in the “Golden Ages!”

Paris
Allegedly.

Despite it being a “RomCom” it definitely takes it in a weirder direction. My whole time watching, despite it being obvious that they weren’t good together, I was thinking that if these trips through time were real, just being with Adriana in them was him cheating. Bugged me.

I thought the dialogue was really good though. Made me interested in what was going on, and during a time I usually don’t care about. The overall theme of grass being greener was a good one to follow, but maybe a bit too forced at the end.

So yeah. Decent.

2 out of 4.

Catch .44

Catch .44 is obviously going for some clever title, where instead of 22, there is instead a gun reference. That way you know “Hey! There be guns in dem dare movie!” It also flashes Bruce Willis on the cover, but his role is definitely not as some of the others in the movie.

Willis Catch .44 Robe
Dude couldn’t even be bothered to put on some pants!

This film is a harder one to go over the plot for. The director/writer has only done like, one other movie before, and in this one he CLEARLY wants to be Quentin Tarantino. The movie is told out of order, has a Mexican standoff, some uncomfortably long scenes, cursin’ and talkin’ about pop culture, and kind of spoils the ending near the beginning. But hey, people like that sort of thing. So here is an attempt.

Three ladies, Tes, Dawn, and and Kara (played by Malin Akerman, Deborah Ann Woll, and Nikki Reed respectfully). If you are keeping track of names, that is Silk Spectre II from Watchmen, and a girl from True Blood, and one from Twilight. Way to capture the demographics right there.

Anyways, they are part of a drug syndicate lead by Bruce Willis. Their mission is to get to a location where a drug hand off is going down, stop it, and recover the drugs. Hopefully without taking on any casulties. There is also “mysterious” Forest Whitaker, who may be following them, killing some people, and sounding super Cajun. Also, Shea Whigham has an important role as well. He also works in the organization.

Quent T Cafe
Because every movie Tarantino-ish needs a “conversation” at a diner, or cafe, or whatever.

Its hard to say what I like about the movie. It is an obvious rip off like thing. But I thought the acting for what it was, was decent. Camera work was nice. Parts in the beginning annoyed me, mostly due to confusion on when things took place, but eventually my questions were answered. Whitaker was super creepy to me the whole movie, could never tell just what was up with his character. But after all of that, it was surprisingly decent.

2 out of 4.

Dolphin Tale

Dolphin Tale? I get it. Like Tail. But not really. Because Dolphin’s have Tails. But this is a story about a Dolphin, so a tale.

Oh, it is a tale about the tail of a Dolphin? I get it for real now. Well played title.

Dolphin Tale
Well pl- awww dolphin.

Nathan Gamble plays little kid who sucks at school. He has to go to summer school! His older cousin who kicks ass at swimming is going off to the army (Austin Stowell) but he demands that he does something productive over the summer. Well, damn it, he accidentally finds a dolphin trapped in ropes on the beach! He frees it partially, just in time for the rescue crew to get there. They even have a little girl on their team too, and Cozi Zuehlsdorff is slathered in freckles.

So boy goes to the aquarium place, secretly, to check on dolphin, and avoids school. But damn it, he is interested in something for once. It is a family business, with Cozi’s dad running the place as a marine biologist (Harry Connick Jr.) and his dad just hanging out (Kris Kristofferson). Turns out the dolphin only reacts favorably when boy is around, so they let him stay and help (and miss school, much to the anger of his mom Ashley Judd).

But the tail is infected! It has to get amputated. A Dolphin without a tail? Unheard of. Well it works. And he starts to swim side to side successfully. But that fucks up his Dolphin spine! So they get the idea for a prosthetic tail, designed by Morgan Freeman, which you know, fails and fails again.

Slathered
SLATHERED in Freckles.

The story about the dolphin alone is a good enough one. Especially because it is true! Winter is a real dolphin and plays herself in the movie. Both with and without the fake tail. None of this CGI crap for this movie! (But I think some of the scenes are still CGI’d. Especially that dumb jump at the end).

The movie adds a lot of fictionalized elements of course though. A plot involving a financial hardened research facility that may be closing (movie watchers love foreclosers), comparison story of the dolphin to an amputee in the movie both overcoming the odds together, and more. Movie almost reached two hours, but could have been shorter and still a very good dolphin rehabilitation story.

The end has real footage of the process to make the tail (and the years it took, not weeks) from the facility, and it is an extra layer of coolness. My heart was warmed during parts, but just did not like a lot of the unnecessary components.

2 out of 4

Glee The 3D Concert Movie

Alright, so obviously, this movie/concert is for fans of Glee. If you don’t already like Glee, you have no reason to watch this movie. Probably won’t enjoy it. It would be weird!

So pretend this review of the 3D Concert Movie from a person who is a fan of Glee.

Wharblers
And a fan of the “Wharblers” who yes, are in this special as well.

This movie had a few technical problems with it. Video quality wise, some cameras were great, and it popped on Blu-Ray. And other cameras that they used were super grainy. Not what you expect in a “Blu-Ray movie”. Similarly, the sound wasn’t as high quality as it could have been. Could be a product of the live concert-ness. But I have a pretty good surround sound set up, and it got crackly and awkward at parts, which is bad for “jamming”.

The concert also had three side stories of “diverse” fans, a midget cheerleader, a big girl with Aspergers, and a gay black kid from middle school. We (had) to hear their stories and how Glee made it better, along with random fans throughout with quick quips on what they like, etc. You know, standard concert movie annoyances.

The clips they had backstage I was hoping for more real look at the cast members, but they were still playing their roles, not themselves. That was disappointing.

The songs that made it onto the movie in order are: Don’t Stop Believing, Sing, Empire State Of Mind, I’m A Slave 4 U, Fat Bottom Girls, Don’t Rain On My Parade, PYT, Ain’t No Way, Jesse’s Girl, Valerie, Firework, Teenage Dream, Silly Little Love Songs, Raise Your Glass, Happy Days Are Here Again / Get Happy, Safety Dance, Lucky, “Forget” You, I Want To Hold Your Hand, Born This Way, Loser Like Me, and Somebody To Love after the credits.

The most impressive fact about this is that it is almost all of the CD of the concert. 22 of 23 songs, just missing Dog Days Are Over (in special features, along with Friday, which isn’t on the CD (and Acoustic)).

As far as individual songs go, the Wharbler songs were good. Gwyneth Paltrow. The dancing was generally good. Songs were usually good, minus the sound quality parts. I was also disappointed that the “Vague backup vocals” that are obviously not the actual other glee members in the show, were played during the concert as well for some songs.

I am not a fan of the song “I’m A Slave 4 U”, but holy shit, Heather Morris was way super hot in this high quality movie.

Brittany whoa
Good old fashioned family entertainment.

I was also hoping Mathew Morrison would be there to sing songs, but just like season 3, they seem to be trying very hard to make sure he doesn’t have much singing anymore in the show.

Again, as a glee fan, the concert was just okay. Had enough technical problems to bug me, and would only warrant one viewing. Damien McGinty was also shown in the audience, with a quick 1 second cameo.

2 out of 4.