Gorgon Reviews

Ohh boy, Perfect Sense? I love movies about sense. I don’t love the notion that they like to assume that there is only five senses still, but I do like talking about them nonetheless.

But add in the possible end of the world? Well then yeah, that sounds like a double winner for me.

Who knows what they are doing underneath those masks!

Ewan McGregor is being all British and living in Glasgow, as a pretty fancy Chef. He meets a girl who is not at all impressed by him at first, Eva Green. But he is consistent, yelling from the alleys and what not. She is an epidemiologist. Someone who studies health events, disease spreads and what not.

Which gives an inside scoop as to what is happening. They randomly have some dude who lost his ability to smell completely. They are keeping him quarentened to determine if it is contagious, and doesn’t appear to be.

Yet it spreads. First people start crying uncontrollably, and once they are done, their smell is completely gone. Soon after that, their taste. Needless to say, once smell and taste are gone, people are less likely to go to a fancy restaurant. Seems pointless. Yet still, people must eat!

These are the minor complications of what is going on. It shows how people react to them throughout the world, but that isn’t the main point of the movie. It is the love between the two characters that develop. Unfortunately, and no one has any idea why, eventually after taste goes, the ability to hear falters too. Well fuck. That makes everything difficult. And even further after that, sight.

Needless to say, something effecting everyone around the world to slowly lose most of their abilities to perceive the world is kind of a bitch. People flip out, looting, and a general fear of leaving the house. What if you leave and become blind and already can’t hear? Fucked then. TV stations seem to be flashing the message of hope, that they are looking for the problem, to stay inside, etc. But does it work.

Further more, once Ewan and Eva have a big fight and leave each others lives, will they be able to find each other again before it all goes black? Or you know, will it all go back to normal?

Also featuring Connie Nielson, as Eva’s sister, and Stephen Dillane, as another cook.

But neither are worthy of a picture, when there could be a picture of Ewan sitting down instead.

Pretty crazy circumstances to build a love story around, I say. And It is AWESOME that they tried it. Well done.

But I think a lot of the delivery I overhyped, and was left wanting a bit more. The final scene? Yeah, it was good and romantic up to the gills. Which is what they really wanted to do. But I still think it was missing something.

The narrator of the movie bugged the crap out of me. She talked a lot, but not about a lot of different things. Just love, true love, etc. I got the point, and wished the movie could have just played out without all the interruptions.

Also took me awhile to figure out that some of the events were shown out of order. No need to play games with me movie. I am already dealing with sensory loss.

Ahhhh another documentary, run for the hills!

Thankfully, in a documentary such as This Film Is Not Yet Rated, it doesn’t really tackle an issue that people are 50/50 on. Most people I know are all on the same side of the argument.

Which argument? The MPAA sucks argument.

I have no idea what kind of pictures to show for this review.

Seriously. If someone actually before this was like “Man, the MPAA is great. They are so consistent with movie ratings,” then I would think that was a made up person.

It is one of the easiest things to bitch about when bitching about movies. “How the hell is this rated PG-13 when blahblah is Rated R? How have we gotten more strict on movies (Jaws is PG) and less strict on violence and gore?”

It went over the history of the MPAA, and how films get their ratings. There is a secret board made of parents with children from 5-17 years old, and apparently they can’t serve more than five years. Their identities are kept secret in order to protect them. They watch a movie, determine a rating based on what they feel are appropriate for their children, and that is it. They specifically are parents with no training in terms of film education or child up bringing, because they wanted an “Average consensus”.

Now what is wrong? Well, Kirby Dick, the director/narrator also hired private detectives to figure out the board. At the time, a lot of their members had their kids outside of the range stated, and one even had no children at all. Similarly, they found out that larger film producers were given more specifics on what to cut, specific scenes that earned them a hire rating and how to make it lower, while indie people were given a rating and said to resubmit with cuts with no hints.

It also showed a bias in the rating between sex material, and was more willing to give an NC-17 if it was homosexual sex versus heterosexual sex.

As an added bonus, he submitted his film for rating (which received an NC-17 for the scenes in it of NC-17 films). But also recorded that process as best he could (phone calls) etc, and also the repeal process. The repeal board is a different group of individuals, and also includes a protestant and catholic priest (which may or may not get to vote).

No cameras were allowed in the building, and for some reason they refused to release any individual names and quickly got pissed off and said no to his repeal. Thankfully the private investigators already investigated who was at those meetings months earlier! Oh yeah, most of the appeal people are movie theater and studio executives.

Uh oh.

What have we learned? That PI’s ar pretty kick ass in real life too.

Now that it is 5-6 years later after released. What has changed?

Hell if I know. I bet board members were changed on the MPAA to fit the standards they claimed. But the repeal board? Eh, maybe just the normal changes over time. But as the MPAA gotten any better?

Hell no. So many ratings disputes still up for grabs, all of that Bully drama (which I might not disagree with. Wanting to show it to middle/high schoolers is not a reason enough to lower a rating. Also the Weinstein bros have said that the best type of advertising is free advertising…aka controversy), and you know, other stuff.

All this means is the movie did absolutely nothing to warrant a change. But as far as I am concerned, this and the FCC need to go, and we just have to make more people mad about it. Kony 2012 this bitch! Watch this movie, is on Netflix (eek!), who helped make it (oh okay). And if you want to hate the FCC more, feel free to watch Bullshit! episode on Profanity.

Casino Jack is the second of “movies Kevin Spacey has been in recently that apparently no one has heard of”. Very specific theme. Only two I was doing, this and Shrink.

Oh how mysterious and …weirdly bordered he looks.

This is actually the true-ish story of Jack Abramoff, the most lobbyist lobbyist in the America.

Dude was making bank, and lobbying up a storm. People in Congress were making bank, him and his family were making bank. Evurrybody was living it up. On what? Indian Casinos. More specifically the SunCruz Casinos, that go on a cruise to “nowhere” but mostly to get into international waters.

Him and his partner Michael Scanlon (Barry Pepper) are getting rich and quick. But they make it seem like Abramoff is donating a lot more to charities, and the betterment of his love one and not “wasting it” as much. His wife (Kelly Preston) is worried about their finances, and then eventually on where they come form.

Their bigger problems start when the help of Mattress Kingpin Adam Kidan (Jon Lovitz), who unbeknownst to the rest of them, has ties with the mob and other bad people.

This eventually leads to a series of events that brings down their decline, and prosecutors having a field day with the amount of people who accepted the bribes. It was a pretty serious deal. Wiki that stuff. Yet somehow no one seems to remember it, despite its large implications. Oh and Rachelle Lefevre is in this movie. But I just forgot what her actually role was. Whoops.

Also, yelling!

Kevin Spacey has turned into the king of mediocrity? No, that’s not right. He is decent in this movie as well. But the rest? Damn, thats mediocre. Like a lot of his last few years worth of movies. I guess he just does what ever looks interesting, gives it his all, and not everyone else can be as good as him.

Maybe if he was worse the movie would seem better because everyone is acting as good as Spacey? This is some serious conspiracy Keanu stuff here.

But why do I say that? Well, parts of the movie were interesting. Parts went above my head. But parts were also pretty uninteresting. Overall just okay, again. Like Father of Invention. Oh yeah. Another recent Kevin Spacey movies.

Just saying. His movies tend to be better with a lot more known leads, like Margin Call, or Horrible Bosses, when he doesn’t have to carry the load on his back.

If you guys knew how many lesser known movies Kevin Spacey was making nowadays, you’d be shocked. Shocked!

Because everyone loves Kevin Spacey right? Even when he is in mediocre films, he is usually the best part and everyone is happy. Because yay Kevin Spacey. But why all these films that aren’t advertised? Today I watched Shrink, which came out in 2009. And well, I am sure its probably not something anyone really knows. Tomorrow I will watch Casino Jack, a 2010 movie with him. Heard of it? No. Probably not.

I am sure most would be willing to tell Kevin their darkest problems too.

Kevin Smith is a celebrity therapist in LA. Exclusive and famous clients, who all have problems. No cameos here, but Robin Williams does play an actor who is in therapy for alcoholism (but doesn’t believe he is an alcoholic, and thinks himself a sex addict instead). Unfortunately for him, his wife also recently committed suicide and he is kind of having a rough time with it. He starts drinking himself, avoiding his bed room, and hanging out with his pseudo-relative Jesus (Jesse Plemons) to get drugs and high with.

His dad was also a therapist and it is clear Kevin is having a hard time. After a failed intervention, he gets him to start therapy for a high school girl, Jemma (Keke Palmer) as Pro Bono work saying it would help. Why? Turns out her mom committed suicide too. She wants to be a filmmaker some day, but is having quite a rough time at the moment.

At the same time, he is handling a few other celebrities. Saffron Burrows is an actress, married to a narcissistic rock star husband, who makes her feel insecure about her age (joint therapy, husband the real problem). Dallas Roberts is a talent agent who is a germaphobe and has anxieties, who’s biggest client is Jack Huston, who is also addicted to drugs.

Finally, Mark Webber is his kind of related god son, who is a struggling writer who might finally get inspiration through Kevin’s clients. Also interested in romantically with the assistant to Dallas, Pell James.

Yeah, lots of plot lines going on here. Most importantly Kevin trying to handle his clients (who end up being way too connected for his liking) while also failing to take his own advice to deal with his own problems.

Jesus wears glasses.

As we learned from The Sopranos, sometimes even a Shrink might need a Shrink. Having to hear others problems for so long can drive a person mad and not feel as important. This isn’t the plot of the movie, just me free balling.

An interesting concept of a movie, but I definitely thought there was a lot of plots going on. I wasn’t sure why there was so many separate stories for awhile. They eventually became more and more connected (or they always were connected, just more and more revealed) but ehh. Still felt weird. Some of the client stories (Robin Williams / Saffron Burrows) seemed to go nowhere by the end. No where exciting at least, nor did they really end.

Everything else was neatly wrapped up in the movie though. Kevin Stacey does good. I thought each of his scenes were decent, but the flip out on TV scene didn’t feel natural at all. But yeah, wooo therapists.

I personally feel a bit British just saying the title of this movie.

Conversations With Other Women.

It feels so proper, and pretensions.

Yet at the same time, so adulterous.

While also potentially having a lot of talking.

And by that I mean tons of talking. That is all the movie is! But good dialogue is good.

Aaron Eckhart is at his sister’s wedding. He finds Helena Bonham Carter. one of the bridesmaids, and she is British!

Now is good time to note that this movie is “split screened” with a left and right side. Most of the time, each camera is focused on both of their faces. They happen to be near each other the whole movie too, so its good for their conversations.

They also have some sex that night, despite the fact that she has a husband (Ex husband) and two kids in London. He is in a lot of different relationships, random ones, even young girls. But maybe they also knew each other in this past and this is fate?

Oh hey, and Olivia Wilde has a role as drunk bridesmaid, and Thomas Lennon as weird video camera guy. And some quick flashbacks of the man and woman, played by different people in their yuoth.

What’s that? You said you wanted an example?

Well, as expected, this movie has a lot of dialogue. Like, aside from some strategic awkward silence, it is mostly a night long conversation with the two leads. Not a whole of lot of women, unless you consider Helena to be the other woman.

But was it interesting? Well kind of. But also slow.

I mean hey, give it a shot if you like banter.

Ah fuck.

The Woman In Black is based off of a book too. Seriously. I think that is at least 50% of my movies nowadays. Should I go back and tag all movies based off of books to figure this out? Just might have to.

Oh hey look, Harry Potter.

Set in some Olden part of ye Englande, it begins with three kids playing. Oh no! Wait that isn’t weird. It is weird when they all decide to jump out of the window and kill themselves. Huh. And then a woman in black.

Enter Arthur Kipps (Daniel Radcliffe), who is in no way a ghost buster. No, he is a lawyer. Lives with a four year old son, Joseph (Misha Handley) and the nanny (Jessica Raine). Wife died during child birth, and everyonce in awhile, Arthur likes to imagine her still alive. Weirdo.

Either way, he has to go to a different town and handle the the closing and purchase of a new house. Who use to live there? Some woman Alice, her husband, their son, and their sister, Jennet (Liz White). No one seems to like him, except for the wealthy landowner (Ciaran Hinds, possible the most British looking person ever) and his wife (Janet McTeer).

So guess what? He hears weird noises, and scares himself a bit. He sees a woman in black, outside, but she disappears. Next thing you know, some kids are all “ahh our sister is dying” because she drank something poisonous. Well he doesn’t save her. She dies. Rumor has it anytime someone sees the woman in black, the child closest to the scene will be driven to kill themselves. That makes sense.

Blah blah blah. Some people getting possessed. Some people in bad mental states. Some people raising children falsely. A very weird muddy graveyard. And a solution to the curse!

Seriously. Could anyone look more British?

The Butler did it!

Just kidding, there is no butler (with speaking lines).

But seriously, I thought this movie was lame. Even for a person who claims to get scared easily, I wasn’t ever really scared. This film seems to implore the “Lets just have normal things happen unexpectedly for fake tense moments to have the person jump but never really scare them” technique 9 out of 10 times. It kind of got annoying, and very predictable. Real normal unexpected surprising events for jump scaring don’t always come out with the music, but in this movie, they will.

The story wasn’t the worse. But how they figured out the “solution” to the curse seemed to come out of no where. That was the only scary-ish movie just because it looked a bit gross.

And the ending? Ugh, it was dumb. Very unsatisfying ending. Don’t worry, it is not “it’s all a dream”. I’d rather that be the ending than what happened.

I would definitely describe my feelings towards Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close as..”Wait, what?”.

Never heard of this movie when it came out. Just saw that it had a really long feeling title, and that it was nominated for best picture. I also heard the term Oscar bait being tossed around, but besides that I had no idea who was in it, nor did I remember it ever being in theaters.

So yeah. Blank slate watching indeed!

Okay, so its about a kid who is ashamed of his face. Who yells a lot?

Oh, there we go, its a 9/11 movie.

Oskar (Thomas Horn) is a kid with Aspergers living in New York City. His dad (Tom Hanks) seems to be the only one who ‘gets him’. They go on scavenger hunts, looking for clues of the missing sixth Burrow of NYC, and other seemingly useless items. They are designed by his dad to get him talking to others and branching out socially.

But then the towers are hit and his dad is killed in WTC. Lot of confusion. Lot of anger and denial. Mad at his mother (Sandra Bullock) who he has never been close to. But one day, while looking in his father’s closet he accidentally knocks over a vase, inside is a key. Huh.

He goes to a locksmith to figure out to what, and the locksmith says it can be anything, hard to say. But there is one clue, the word “Black”. Clearly that is a last name for someone and maybe they have the next clue. Time to find and talk to every Black in NYC (over 200) and hopefully one day find out where the key goes to, to solve one last mystery!

Also featuring his grandmother (Zoe Caldwell) who lives next door, her mysterious guest (Max von Sydow) and he lazy doorman (John Goodman).

They missed out not making this movie in 3D.

Don’t you dare quote me on this, but I have a feeling this might be one of the cases where the book is better than the movie. Ahh! Not that I read the book. But it must be.

The overall plot and what goes on is interesting. But what bugged me more would probably be how the story was told in the movie, and other decisions a director might decide. Having every other scene be a flash back to 9/11 got old quickly, instead of giving us the full story, and dragging it out longer.

Because I definitely found the search for the missing lock interesting, both his interactions with strangers and his weird relationship with old guy neighbor who doesn’t talk at all.

The kid did a pretty good job. Had a lot of quirks with the way he talked, and seemed like more than just a kid who talked a lot, and didn’t know manners. So he was pretty awesome.

Interesting story, but a lot of scenes edited in ways clearly as “oscar bait” which just made me mad.

Fifty Dead Men Walking, while a horribly titled movie, is a real life story involving the heroics of a man, undercover and infiltrating the Irish Republican Army (IRA) in the 80s and 90s as a spy, and saving the lives of other men.

How many men? Apparently over fifty. Didn’t want to leave the reasoning of the name hanging for you.

You’re welcome.

How does he get in that situation though?!

Marty McGartland (Jim Sturgess) is just a street hustler in his early 20s, and living in Ireland. Pretty simple. The IRA wants to recruit him, but he doesn’t want to join them. They are a pretty violent group and he doesn’t like violence!

Instead he gets recruited by the British and agrees to infiltrate the IRA ranks and give the British nice information. Hooray! Mostly because he hates the IRA, not the British. His handler Fergus (Ben Kingsley, who looks nothing like Ben Kingsley) is the only one to know about his double agent status, which works well for protecting his family and loved ones. Like his girlfriend, Lara (Natalie Press) who greatly dislikes his involvement in the IRA (once she “finds out”).

He has to work his way up through the ranks, getting into worse and worse aspects of the IRA, despite his moral objections to committing these acts himself. But Fergus convinces him to keep on going. But what happens when the IRA find out he is a spy? Well shit. Torture.

Against all odds he is able to escape, and he realizes he will never be safe again. The end of the movie notes that he is still on the run today, and the IRA still hates him. There was an attempted assassination attempt in 1999 where he got 6 bullets, and well, still survived. But you know, cant see his family ever again. Film also has Kevin Zegers and Rose McGowan, but Ben and Jim are the main two that matter.

Okay, he kind of looks like Ben Kingsley. But not by much.

Although I thought the acting from Jim was top notch in this movie, and found him able to carry the movie on his own, I still felt extremely uninterested in a lot of the movie.

Parts were cool I give you that, but other parts, well you know. I know shit is stupid in Northern Ireland, and that the IRA is mean, but I don’t know if that was enough to firmly entrench me in the story that this movie wanted to tell. It is also one of those movies where you know how it is going to end, so aren’t surprised as much at his escape or what happens to him. That is what sucks about real life stories.

Somehow, when Steven Spielberg makes a movie, people take notice. But when I heard about War Horse? I thought meh. Whatever. Horse movie. Animal movies in general just seem weirder to me. And the last two Horse movies I saw (both racing) were incredibly boring to me.

That’s why for this movie, that I’ve had access to for a month, I am finally watching. Just never felt like the right time to watch it.

And you know, Horses a- aww look at it’s eyes.

The movie is about 140 minutes, and packs a lot in it. It starts from humble beginnings, the birth of the horse on the farm. Learning to walk and run. Once it is old enough it is taken to an auction in the city. Albert (Jeremy Irvine) convinces his dad (Peter Mullan) to bid on the horse, despite it being a colt and them really needing a nice plow horse. But when the landlord tries to drive up the price, the dad stubbornly out bids him, using all of their money (and making it hard to pay the landlord his rent). The mom (Emily Watson) is mad, but they agree to pay the full rent by autumn and want to plow an extra rocky field to make the money.

But first the horse needs training, and is trained to follow a call. Can’t jump well, but can run fast. If only he can teach it to PLOW though.

World War I comes about, and due to the rent circumstances, the horse is sold to the army. Albert is pissed, but the officer (Tom Hiddleston) claims he will protect it as if he did all the raising himself. In training with another officer, the horse meets another horse, a darker bigger horse, who might be going on the adventure with it.

The horses find themselves switching sides, to be cart bearers for the Germans (with Leonard Carow), an old man jam maker (Niels Arestrup) and his granddaughter (Celine Buckens), back to the German side to face the gruesome heavy artillery duty (under Nicolas Bro). Many close calls over the years.

But will he ever get to see Albert again as promised, who is now a soldier (with Robert Emms and Benedict Cumberbatch as other soldiers).

Horse BFFs.

This film is also based off of an old children’s book in the 80s, and a play that came out about 4-5 years prior. Not an original Spielberg picture.

But boy was it powerful.

The only thing I really knew about the tale was that it featured a “lot of different stories” and that made some people uninterested in it. Well, sure, quite a few plot points end up happening, but at least its all the same horse. Not a whole bunch of “War horse” stories (well, because it is in so many different horse positions, we get to see them all, but still one horse show). To me it felt like an entirely epic Homeward Bound, without talking, just how the horse changed so many lives.

I got way more into it than I would have guessed, even crying near the end. Sad things occur. Since you know, it is a war after all.

I do think that they could have put more effort into making sure we knew the many different characters, and how they related. I had to wiki some of the characters at the end, not knowing how they all mattered for the story. That was the landlord’s son? Oh okay.

If you haven’t heard of The Avengers, then fuck you.

In 2008 a great thing happened. Comic book movies kicked ass. The Dark Knight, Hellboy II, and Iron Man came out, in reverse order between May and July.

After the success of Iron Man, they quickly announced their three (turned into four) year plan. After Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk. Then another Iron Man movie. Then Thor. Then Captain America.

Then? The fucking Avengers. Each hero getting at least one movie before hand, bringing them together for an epic never before seen in film. It’d be like if the Lord of the Rings had a movie back story for Legolas, and the other people I don’t remember.

How many more nerd hits can I get before the actual review? Not sure. But needless to say, this movie has been something I have been waiting four years for, and it delivered in every way possible. May the Fourth be with us indeed.

Didn’t even tell Steve about casual Fridays.

The movie begins with the Tesseract (introduced at the end of Thor and in Captain America) going crazy. S.H.I.E.L.D. is going crazy, red alerts. Agent Coulson is trying to catch up Nick Fury on the cube, but unfortunately is is confusing. We also get to meet Agent Maria Hill (Robin from HIMYM). Because we need more than 1 woman character in this movie.

Either way, turns out it opens a portal from another part of the universe, and out pops Loki! He fucks shit up, takes the cube, and also takes Professor Selvig (From Thor) prisoner, along with some other members. And well, he is thinking about using that unlimited energy source to open up a permanent portal, bring up an army of space aliens, and you know take over/destroy Earth. He is mad at Thor and Asgard for kicking him out, so he wants vengeance on the world Thor loves so much.

Fighting demigods means you need to bring in the big guns. S.H.I.E.L.D. attempts to do just that. Getting in touch with Thor is hard, but not Iron Man, Captain America, Black Widow, or Hawkeye. They also need Bruce Banner (Hulk), but only to use his brains for finding the cube, definitely not for Hulking. (cough).

So what is the movie about? Stopping Loki before he takes over the world. Trying to not resort to nuclear bombs. Trying to see if a team made entirely of egos (and Captain America) can actually work together and not fight it out. Trying to control the Hulk. And so much destruction of Manhattan.

Hey, Pepper Potts is also in this movie.

Again, they first have to work out their own differences and motives.

OH MY GOODNESS THE AVENGERS.

GUYS THE AVENGERS. PLEASE READ THIS AS ME YELLING.

After Disney bought Marvel I didn’t even think this would be possible, but this is the first of the Marvel films to have the full Disney backing and they didn’t disappoint. The movie has everything. You will laugh and cry, be excited and maybe scared. You will laugh and be excited a lot though more than the others, and it feels like nonstop action too. A good feeling for a movie that clocks in over two hours.

The amount of extra nerd detail put into it, small moments watching the Avengers team up and use specific movies? It is amazing.

In case anyone is curious, next year we are supposed to get Iron Man 3 and Thor 2, and then 2014 a sequel to Captain America, probably taking place in WW2 still, before the frozen events.

A sequel to Avengers isn’t likely until 2016 or so, which is good them to not be rushed. They gave a middle of credits hint to the sequel too, and it looks great. Probably a Dr. Strange movie is in the works for 2014/15, and maybe even Ant-Man. With a Joss Whedon movie, I was surprised there was no Nathan Fillion cameo as Hank Pym.

I have a good feeling I will be seeing this movie in theaters again, and many times in the future on Blu-Ray. Just think, we also get The Dark Knight Rises, Prometheus, and Amazing Spider-Man this summer.